Category Archives: #Humor/Comical/Funny/Humorus

E is for Egghead – The Alphabet Series

Posted on by

9

New Thoughts on Words

Egghead is the word that comes to mind as the author walks into the room and stands by the podium arranging stuff. He is a real intellectual, not the Archie Bunker meat-head kind.

Stringy white hair is having a temper tantrum, Albert Einstein style, on his head and now out of the sun, his dark glasses change to un-tinted. A deliberate part in his hair suggests a highbrow image.

I imagine him a smart aleck fifth grader hissing answers beneath his breath to mock a teacher. Now he is all grown up, and an untidy appearance creates a scholar’s impression.

His introductory comments are about passion, and a halo of frizz triggers interest, as he instructs us to sit our ass in a chair and write.. His manner is not contemptuous, just slightly superior and mildly aloof. The overall effect tells the class who he is, or  wants to be, and leaves a contrived impression.

Doubt may be his intent.

He starts looking old after lunch.

Standing still, the laces on his Rockport shoes come undone. A knee cracks as he bends to ceremoniously tie the lace and continue to demonstrate his superior IQ, lecturing the would be writers about point of view.

The mystic and effervescence fad as the day ends, and it becomes clear it is a bad hair day. However, he did a good job of teaching character details, or am I being kind?

Related articles

D is For Disappear /The Alphabet Series

Posted on by

6

New Thoughts on Words

D is for disappear as in the New York Times Best Seller novel, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn.

Nick and Amy Dunne, two out of work New York City writers, move to Nick’s childhood home in North Carthage, Missouri when they learn Nick’s mother is fatally ill.

Nick is a journalist.

Amy writes surveys or opinion questionnaires.

Example; which of the following will lead to personal happiness.

A.  Caring more about others  than yourself

B.  Discovering a passion

C.  Exercising and eating well daily

D.  All of the above

E.  Other_________________________________

Nick persuades Amy to invest the last of her Trust Fund in a business for him and his twin sister, Margo. They name the bar, “The Bar” and Nick appears a loser when Amy disappears on their wedding anniversary.

The reader knows it is a matter of time for the husband to become the prime suspect.

Gillian Flynn has written a plot driven novel that I read quickly and was reviewed favorably, but I could have put the book down easily.

“As The Washington Post proclaimed, her work ‘draws you in and keeps you reading with the force of a pure but nasty addiction.’ Gone Girl’s toxic mix of sharp-edged wit with deliciously chilling prose creates a nerve-fraying thriller that confounds you at every turn.”

Amy’s disappearance is not as in vanish, perish or cease to exist. Her vanishing act is one of revenge and dysfunction, concocted when she discovers Nick’s infidelity. Victimized and  bamboozled Amy plans to get even and does.

On the other line of a happiness survey she would write all the below;

A.  If you can’t have the one you love make sure no one else can either.

B.  Make everyone who hurts or disappoints you suffer for the rest of their lives.

C.  Inflicting pain on others is key to personal happiness.

Gillian says “she was not a nice little girl,” and “Libraries are filled with stories on generations of brutal men, trapped in a cycle of aggression. I wanted to write about the violence of women”

“The point is, women have spent so many years girl-powering ourselves — to the point of almost parodic encouragement — we’ve left no room to acknowledge our dark side. Dark sides are important. They should be nurtured like nasty black orchids.”

Isn’t disappearing better?

…Just saying

C is for Curmudgeon

Posted on by

17

grumpy-old-men

New Thoughts On Words

C is for Curmudgeon

Cranky, cross, and Cantankerous

Quarrelsome

It’s someone else’s fault

Is being a Curmudgeon a choice, or about loss?

Crappy, critical and uncompromising

Like a Republican who is sore

Callous, cautious, careful

A Curmudgeon ruminates the same thought

Perhaps their hippocampus is shrinking, their dreams forgotten, or tossed

Left alone to commiserate

A connoisseur without a cause

Realizes a critical point

Dick Chaney could be their new boss

A special thanks to my friend Mary for suggesting the word Curmudgeon and to Michael Ray King for encouraging writers to write poetry.

Related articles

B is for Bootylicious Bouillabaisse, The Alphabet Series

Posted on by

12

220px-Julia_Child_at_KUHT

New Thoughts On Words

B is For Bootylicious Bouillabaisse

    Bootylicious is on my mind. It happens to writers. Words jump into our minds and refuse to leave. I could blame Beyonce` Knowles and the Super Bowl; but the truth is I like the word. Its rhythm somehow attaches itself to bouillabaisse and bingo, becomes an onomatopoeia dancing around my head.

The American language evolves quickly and popularity is why Webster includes a word in the dictionary. Merriam Webster has a paid staff that scans publications and records the frequency of a new word or expression before deciding.

The Webster dictionary defines booty as spoil taken from an enemy in war or loot. In the real world Bootylicious is slang and a compound word joining booty or buttock with delicious. The song “Bootylicious” made the term well-known.

Words are added yearly. Recent additions are cougar, helicopter parent, soccer- mom and EEVO an original by Rachael Raye.  A few of the words for 2012 are: man cave, coperniciu, energy drink, game changer, gastropub, mash-up.

So what does Bootylicious Bouillabaisse bring to my mind?

Picture Beyonce` dressed in a black corset and spike high heels joining  Julia Child in the kitchen for a cooking lesson.

We will need something like the time machine in “Back to the Future” to transport Beyonce` to Marseille to learn from the American chef and food writer.

Close your eyes and imagine  Meryl Streep as Julia Child in Julie and Julia if you have to.

Julia opens the conversation with,  “to me the telling flavor of bouillabaisse comes from two things: the Provençal soup base — garlic, onions, tomatoes, olive oil, fennel, saffron, thyme, bay, and usually a bit of dried orange peel — and, of course, the fish — lean, firm-fleshed, soft-fleshed, gelatinous, and shellfish.”[3] Wikipedia

Beyonce`  questions the chef, “Lean and firm, that part girl I know what you talkin bout. Gelatinous…I know you gotta work your jelly. Gelationous? Got to text Jay Z. He’ll know bout that.”

Julia emphasises the B saying, “bouillabaisse is a fish stew. You combine two actions, blhir (French to boil) and abaissar (to reduce).

Beyonce` says with an attitude and one hand on her hip,  “I can boil fine, real fine. She shakes her booty to mimic Julie’s stirring

Julia’s voice crescendos saying,  “Not a hard boil, a slow steady bubbling.” And purses her lips saying ” Then turn it real low and slow.”

Beyonce` says “I gotcha, girl”

Bon  Appetite

                       ….just saying

Related articles

Laughter Clubs

Posted on by

14

sayingimages_tumblr_lewvfxhGPY1qgow0ko1_500

Aging & Attitude

Laughter Club

In the dark, the digital clock with extra-large numbers taunts me with the time, 1:54AM.

I typically wake at this hour and according to Roger Ekirch, it is not that I cannot sleep, simply the end of the “first sleep”. Time to get up and check for comments on my blog post.

A faithful reader has written, “I miss your humorous side.”

No kidding, I am currently writing about Smart Thermostats and worrying about water waste.

I miss my humor too and thinking of joining a Laughter Club.

What is a Laughter Club?

They are fully independent, not-for-profit, non-political, non-religious and non-competitive community-based associations of diverse people who choose to be happy. In other words, Baby Boomers who believe laughing about nothing can ward off aging.

In the sixties, students were sent to detention.  Now these “Breakfast Club Scoundrels” have convinced others to join them in acting and looking ridiculous, claiming 100 chuckles is equal to a ten minute cardiovascular workout.

I read about Laughter Clubs in “Health, Fitness and More”. Linda Marlow a certified Laughter Leader was interviewed about  laughter workshops. The back of her red T-shirt reads, “Laugh Til it Helps” and to call 1-800-Now-Laff, for help.

A list of 25 yoga exercises that included, Air Kiss and Ear-wiggle Laughter Greetings can be found on-line. Intrigued I played the YouTube video, however I needed to rewind the tape several times to decipher the instructor’s plea to “Imagine your feet have roots” and there was no laughter only deep breathing.

There are other ways to benefit from a Laughter Club without leaving your home.

  • The  Phone Laughter Club
  • Electric Shock Laughter
  • Laughter Finger Racing

Phone laughter is free. Electric Shock Laughter is touted as the easy way, but no, I did not ask for details. You can finger race on your own and not only laugh but improve your brain function, a  BOGO.

However, a Smart Thermostat can save you up to $200 a year.

… just saying

P.S. Thank you, Marsha.

Is Lying A Crime?

Posted on by

13

“Not only did I lie about lying, but I lied about lying about lying. And you’d better believe that’s the truth. 
”
― Jarod Kintz

By a lie, a man…annihilates his dignity as a man.
Immanuel Kantike_and_dick-620x412

Aging & Attitude

There is a conversation going on in my head, not a monologue – talking to yourself.

It is a dialogue. Something like this:

“Is it a crime to lie?”

“Depends. If you’re asked, ‘Does this dress make me look fat?’ It would be a death sentence or life without parole, and just stupid, to say anything but no.”

“So, a white lie, something small and insignificant is okay? Not like Lance Armstrong, Casey Anthony or that woman in Phoenix, Arizona, well she lied but decided to tell the truth, not really the truth, a different lie about the truth.”

“Lying under oath, perjury, is a crime, however Anthony worked briefly for a company that worked for Universal Studios and wasn’t being investigated when she lied. Armstrong told Oprah he didn’t believe he was cheating or committing a crime and considered doping necessary to level the playing field and lying was the right choice.”

“So it’s okay to lie.”

“Well, kind of, the Supreme Court recently ruled on the subject of lying ­­­­­­– Xavier Alvarez sued saying it was a violation of American’s First Amendment, our freedom of speech for him not to be able to say he was a Medal of Honor recipient. He won.

“Lying to the public was a crime, look at Nixon and Watergate”

“Clinton, too – they were presidents, held to a higher standard.”

“Although it’s a lie, Xavier Alvarez can say he won a Medal of Honor, but Casey Anthony can’t say she worked at Universal Studies during an investigation, if she was read her rights.”

“What about Manti Te’o, can he lie about having a girlfriend.

“Well Manti Te’o wasn’t lying, he didn’t know the truth.” 220px-Lars_real_girl

“But had he known the truth it would be his First Amendment right to lie. Remember that indie movie, “Lars and the Real Girl”.

“Blame Voltaire, he said, “I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death for your right to say it.”

“I thought that meant the individual’s right to express an opinion and question others. Voltaire didn’t say I will defend your right to lie.”

“The actual quote is, ‘We have a natural right to make use of our pens as of our tongue, at our peril, risk and hazard‘. ~Voltaire, Dictionnaire Philosophique, 1764- consequences were included.”

It may be a  First Amendment right to lie, but it is still wrong.
…. just saying

Why Are We Here?

Posted on by

12

rain3

Rain in a Glass

“Freshly Squeezed” – London, England – Sarah Ann Wright – Featured Photographer

Aging & Attitude

   Why are we here? I ponder aloud, to which Mr. Wonderful retorts, “Because we are,” and leaves the room to watch the Rose Bowl. I am thinking more Palm Coast. Why are we living in Palm Coast, Florida, when our son and his family live in Albuquerque and our daughter in New York City.

His answer, “Because we are,” triggers a philosophical thought that fails to make a connection, perhaps it is Kierkegaard? It cannot be Descartes, “the Father of Modern Philosophy,” must be someone more obscure.

Descartes’s statement, “Cogito, ergo sum;” “I think, therefore I am.” rings in my head. He advocated dualism, the mind’s power over body and strength; defined as overcoming human weakness by relying on the infinite power of the human mind. Which leads me to Deepak Chopera and belief in mind/body spiritual healing or the concept that thought effectives body. Include Andrew Weil with these men.

How did I get so far away from where I was headed? And John Boehner is somewhere in the middle. His philosophy regarding why we are here? Winning! We are here, to win.

Kim Kardashian believes, for sure, she is here to shop, while Hilary’s purpose is world peace.

Greek philosophers Socrates, Plato and Aristotle thought the meaning of life was found in the pursuit of knowledge and the path there, learning and questioning. Socrates partnered philosophy with politics and proclaimed politicians be the wisest of men and have good morals. Plato believed all humans duty bound to pursue good. His apprentice, Aristotle, went further striving not only to study virtue, but be virtuous.

Stoicism, Skepticism, and Epicureans, schools of thought derived from their teachings, offer paths to happiness. The Stoics by living in moderation and finding inner peace,”the world is what you make it”.  Skeptics by putting everything in the hands of the Gods, “Let go and let God” and Epicureans purport not wanting anything to avoid displeasure, similar to Taoism, or “just have fun.”

A search on-line reveals other zigzag pursuits.

   Greta Christina suggests we make the dilemma more general and include everything, “Why is anything here?” Decide first if you believe in God, then search for the answer.

   Existenz contemplates the same question, but follows a scientific path or “the Big Bang” theory” to discover the answer. He talks about the ninety-two types of naturally occurring atoms, the billions of different combinations and the forming chemical components that underlie everything living and non living, including the most complex, human beings. It is a mystery.

So why are we here? Because we sold our house and it is a three-minute walk to the ocean, or as Mr. Wonderful  proclaimed, because we are.

                                                                  ….just saying

*Mr Wonderful is my husband of forty-one years

Manly Men

Posted on by

13

GE DIGITAL CAMERA

GE DIGITAL CAMERA

                     The Gingerbread Men

It would not be Christmas without “THE MEN”, Gingerbread Men cookies that are a family holiday tradition.

The recipe and trademark attire of  a three raisin vest and sliver of Marchiano cherry lips was created for my daughter’s kindergarten class. This year is their thirtieth celebration.

As class mother in 1982, my responsibility was to provide a holiday refreshment; traditionally a white flour sugar cookie, dripping in red icing and sparkling with glitter sugar, accompanied by cherry  Hi-C Juice.

I could not do it.

My children had been told Ritz crackers were cookies and did not learn differently until they went to school. Birthday cake was carrot cake made with whole wheat flour, and I baked bread.

I searched for a  festive substitute and found gingerbread cookies in The Good House Keeping Cookbook on page 657. Determined to make the cookies healthier yet, I eliminated the sugar, increased the molasses, added whole wheat flour, and loved the results.

They are cute. Their crooked lips and misshapen eyes add personality. But not everyone likes them, it is an acquired taste and even Mr. Wonderful took his time coming on board.

When grammar school was over, I could not stop baking, started delivering decorative containers of MEN to  neighbors, and decorated a table tree in our  foyer with gingerbread men, to wish the teenagers Merry Christmas.

One year my daughter pulled me aside  to whisper there was no “MAN” for Laura. We scribbled a name tag and she hurried to follow my instructions, hang it in the back of the tree and tell Laura to look again, carefully.

These small memories grow huge in my heart and make my holidays special.   … just saying             


The Best Bad Plan

Posted on by

8

image_001

In Greek Mythology, Argo is the name of the ship the Argonauts sail to retrieve the Golden Fleece, and prove Jason worthy to reclaim his father’s throne.  In Ben Affleck’s new hit film, Argo is the title of a fake science fiction movie, or the best bad idea the CIA can conjure up to rescue six American Embassy staffers out of Tehran. It is a real nail biter, even though you know the ending, and peppered with great acting by John Goodman, Alan Arkin, and Bryan Cranston.

I love this type of movie where limited dialogue and stoic facial expression mysteriously communicate an emotional message. Ben Affleck as Tony Mendez, a CIA “exfiltration” specialist, will be an Oscar nominee even if his six-pack (viewed in one shirtless scene) is makeup made.

In November of 1979, Jimmy Carter was President and my children age four and two. I watched Laura and Luke’s wedding on General Hospital, not the evening news, and militants storming the U.S. embassy in Tehran. The movie credits the United States giving safe haven to the ex-Shah of Iran for medical treatment, for erupting Iran citizens to a frenzy. They break down the embassy door and take fifty-two American hostages. In the midst of the chaos, six Americans manage to slip away and find refuge in the home of the Canadian ambassador.

Tony Mendez’s job is to get them out of the country.

The initial plan is to give them all bicycles and they will pedal to the border. Tony points out the border is 300 miles away and the road unpaved. The bicycle plan is not only the worst bad solution, it’s stupid. The tires would wear out.

He has a better bad plan; a scheme that surrounds a fake movie, Argo. He attempts to convince superiors this is the best bad plan, arguing others are: horrible, terrible, dreadful, none are good, some are god –awful, miserable, and the worst; the travel by bike. The Argo movie plan is crappy, and no good, but the best.

The best bad plan concept precipitates thought about life, politics and politicians.

According to the government, in this situation there were no good solutions, just the best of the bad.

Tell that to the six Americans who left Iran, safely.

Argo is four star movie.                                      ….just saying

Electoral College for Kindergartners

Posted on by

7

Jeff Parker

Capital_Building

I live in Florida, a swing State, and evidently a swing County, Flagler. The News Journal, our local paper, recently reported an Associated Press pre-election analysis that points fingers at 106 communities in nine states. Bullseye, voters living in Flagler County got real influence.

Remember the Chad uproar of the 2000 Bush/Gore election, the nation held hostage for a month, while volunteers inspected ballot tickets.

Nominee
George W. Bush Al Gore
Party Republican Democratic
Home state Texas Tennessee
Running mate Dick Cheney Joe Lieberman
Electoral vote 271 266
States carried 30 20 + DC
Popular vote 50,456,002 50,999,897
Percentage 47.9% 48.4%

Bush won 271 electoral votes, Gore 266, because of the twenty-five(2000 census) votes in question. Gore lost the election by 4 electoral votes. The chads spiced up the questionable  recount vote. Gore would have won 291 to Bush 246, so we know the significance  of Florida swinging.

Thirty states went to Bush; Gore, twenty; plus, the District of Columbia. However, Gore won the popular vote by five tenths of one percent, 50,999,897 to Bush, 50,456,002.

Does this make sense? Not to me either.

I went online to refresh my knowledge of the Electoral College, and by the way, there is no campus.

Each state is allocated a number of electoral votes equal to the number of members it has in the U.S. Congress.

The most recent Huffington Post   a “snapshot of where the presidential race stands based on hundreds of state-wide and national opinion polls, filtered through a poll tracking model and updated throughout the day.” On October 29th the polls  indicated the electoral vote distribution below:

Barack ObamaBarack Obama  277

(217 Strong Obama + 60 Leans Obama)

Mitt RomneyMitt Romney 206

(15 Leans Romney + 191Strong)

The graph shows five tossup states; Colorado 9 , New Hampshire 4, Virginia 13, North Carolina 15 and Florida 29, a total of seventy electoral votes. Polls have confidence Obama will win New Hampshire, Colorado and Virginia, and that Romney will win North Carolina.  In Florida the polls are split 48% to 48% with a 10% greater confidence Romney will win.
It takes an amendment to the U.S. Constitution to change the electoral college and popularity does not count.
The way Florida swings needs watching.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            …just saying