Homeless in Apalachicola

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Aging & Attitude

   My head turns with the slam of the restaurant’s screen door and I watch a woman my age, seat herself at an empty table for eight. It feels odd and she is toting too many bags.

Uninterrupted, our waitress listens to our comments and says, “Um, one got me bad the other day. I’m still scratching,” and puts menus and glasses of water on a blue tablecloth, its wrinkles accented by a small vase of pink plastic flowers.

“I’m Rachael, and I’ll be your server.”

We are in Apalachicola, a small fishing town located in the Florida Panhandle, and were sitting outside to watch a river sunset when the no-see-ums attacked and forced us indoors.

Always intrigued by the name, Apalachicola, Mr. Wonderful has surprised me with a stay at The Coombs Inn, a Bed & Breakfast.

“Where are you all visiting from? Rachael inquires, a pencil and spiral assignment pad clutched in one hand. She is wearing an orange t-shirt with Caroline’s Restaurant in cursive letters angled across her chest, and looks as incongruent as the wrinkled tablecloth.

“Ormond Beach on the east coast. We’re retired.”

“Now that’s a long haul, first time in the Oyster Capital? I bet you want a dozen fresh oysters.” She says with the enthusiasm of one who had a good night’s sleep.

We agree and Rachael says, “I’ll get that started and be back for your order, take your time now, no hurry.”

Apalachicola is a curious mix of old and new. A throwback town that looks loved and lived in. The Victorian homes are restored; most with tin roofs. The retail signs are not deliberately retro, just never replaced. You can enjoy gelato made with Florida mango, at the Apalachicola Chocolate Company on Avenue E as long as you get there before 5PM, after that all shops close.

The only new construction is The Water Street Hotel and Marina tucked at the end of Water Street alongside the commercial oyster boats. The smell of gasoline is strong as weathered oystermen smoking cigarettes, and wearing yesterday’s clothes fuel up.

I watch the woman actively arrange her bulging shopping bags, as another waitress slips beside her. I hear no conversation, suspect it is hushed and my curiosity heightens.

The woman’s bags are not new. The retail logos on several are disappearing.

She is served a class of white wine, instead of being asked to leave or move to a smaller table, and stoops over a menu as though she needs glasses. All day travel or slept-in creases distinguish the back of her jacket.

Rachael brings the oysters, takes our order and hightails it back to the kitchen.

Mr. Wonderful continues talking, reviewing the day; a visit to St. George Island and the lighthouse.  Our conversation with the museum volunteer who informed us there are eight hundred and some year round residents on the island now, and house prices have dropped five hundred thousand to one million dollars. Yes, dropped, she reaffirmed and suggested we visit the Nature Center, which is free and contains a beautiful mural of the Gulf area.

Rachael returns with house salads and casually asks, “Have you been to Panama City or Mexico Beach?”We have and recount their beauty. The blue-green gulf water rolls in to smooch the shore,its sand the texture and color of boxed table salt, unlike the ocean waves that slap the eastern coast to prove who is boss.

Realizing we have our salads but no silver, I look around to rob some from a nearby table. Surveying the area, I notice the woman stand abruptly and leave carrying her bags, the glass of wine untouched. I surmise she cannot pay and has come to her senses to explain the abrupt departure.

“Did you see that woman leave?” I ask Mr. Wonderful

“No. What woman?”  He answers.

“The one sitting by herself with all the bags, looks homeless.”

Rachael’s arrival with the entries interrupts our conversation and we ooh and aah about the fancy plating.

My meal is broiled grouper, shrimp, and bay scallops in reduced teriyaki sauce topped with wasabi, and sides of mixed vegetables and garlic mashed potatoes. Mr. Wonderful’s dinner is broiled scallops and a crab cake in lemon butter sauce, asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes.

We are enjoying our meal when I notice she’s back, without any bags.

Keeping my head down to control my confusion I say, “Look, look in the corner, it’s her.”

“What are you talking about?” Mr. Wonderful says with food in his mouth.

“Maybe she’s staying at the motel next store and went to put her bags in the room. She’s probably mentally ill. Or even run away, had enough of everything,  I start to speculate when I notice her perfectly manicured hands flip open an iPhone, and conclude . . . maybe newly homeless.

The dinner is memorable, and the day outstanding.

I could do homeless in Apalachicola.                                                                                                                             . . .just saying

The Art of Saying Nothing

                                                                                   Aging & Attitude 
Conversations at Vermillion

Conversations at Vermillion (Photo credit: JeanineAnderson)

Conversation is changing. Verbal communication is evolving and taking a new direction. The ability to converse for a significant period and say nothing is the trend. Notice that off colored jokes and heated discussions are a thing of the past. As small talk was through the 1990’s, saying nothing is an art form you are privy to if you experience these symptoms.

  1. Feelings of confusion, stupidity, or that you are old and simply do not understand.
  2. Low self-esteem after listening to a superior sounding conversationalist.
  3. Yelling “What are you freakin talking about?” in your sleep.
  4. Withdrawal from Face Book and other social media.

Please do not confuse this with the romance of saying nothing in Ronan Keating’s song “What I Hear When You Don’t Say a Thing” because that void clearly conveys passion and emotion.

Do not include the nothing, inquired of an advice expert, “What does it mean when you invite  women to date and they say nothing?”

That nothing says something, too.

The type of nothing Politicians use to avoid answering a question and turn the discussion to a character assault of opponents does not count either. Nor does the nothing created by a double negative i.e., “He didn’t say nothing,” (The double negative cancels the saying nothing out and you said something, we just do not know what.)

“He didn’t say anything,” is a legitimate form of saying nothing but not the one we are talking about of.

To acquire skill in saying nothing choose a topic, not safe and guaranteed non offensive like, weather, food, and travel, something slightly controversial, but politically correct. Create the impression that you are expressing an opinion or point of view that the listener cannot grasp, and you will say nothing successfully.

Filler words, such as; um, uh and you know, are prohibited, and considered cheating.

Now, I am practicing and far from an expert, but tell me, have I successfully talked about nothing?

. . . .Just Saying

Kreativ Blogger Award/JustSaying

I am  green to writing and a new blogger, and when notified I was a recipient of the Kreativ Blogger Award thought it was a poke, like on Facebook.

Pleased by the  recognition, I graciously accepted and immediately sent a thank you to Christine Speno of Words,etc. For some unknown reason, Christine has taken me under her wing and gladly meets with me to discuss various how to subjects. Why? Christine does not need a why, she is a giver and we have become friends and writing partners.  I’m loving it. Thank you Christine.

What is the Kreativ Blogger Award? I searched Word Press to find out.

The Kreativ Blogger Award is a peer award, as is the Golden Globe Award. The fact that another blogger thought my writing worthy is encouraging.

Husfrauas Memoarer, a Norwegian, came up with the idea on May 8th 2008, pieced together fabric for the original design, (shown below)

and bestowed it upon four fellow bloggers.

Evidently Kreativ is German for creative. Hulda is still blogging about inspirational crafts at blogspot, She is creative and displays beautiful  photography.

The design, and criteria have changed over time.

Now a recipient lists ten things people may not know about them, displays the award on their blog and passes the honors on to six other bloggers.

It has been fun viewing and revisiting blogs to make my decision and grueling to list things about myself.

Ten things you may not know about me;

  1. I am average, and have no hidden talent unless you consider singing, “Gold Finger” at the Windham Arms Hotel Summer Talent Show, of significance.
  2. Although I have big opinions, and not shy about expressing them, I am shy.
  3. I have four sisters and three brothers, but no first cousins.
  4. My son complains he has never seen me drunk.
  5. I started writing in 2009, secretly.
  6. Visiting the White House at Christmas is on my bucket list.
  7. I am published in “Let’s Talk”, a collection of short stories by Florida Writers.
  8. Given the choice between eating leftover pizza and a baked sweet potato, choose the potato.
  9. Am still friends with my best friend from High School and my first boyfriend, they married.
  10. Think youth is wasted on the young.
Kreativ Blogger Awards recipients are:
Chris Hamilton writer of Florida Writers Conference Blog. FWA is a great organization, the mission statement is  Writers Helping Writers and they mean it. Chris shares valuable information, keeps the mundane interesting and is task driven.
Kristen and Jacqueline, the brains behind “Chicks with Ticks”, amuse and enlighten women about the great out doors.
Michael Ray King, poet, etc., is as diverse a writer as they come, and more importantly, a romantic mush.
Jennifer Ward – Pelar an environmentalist and writer is cheer and funny.
Renee Fisher, author and former hula hoop champion makes driving in the boomer lane fun.
Sue Healy an award-winning writer, tutor and journalist, not ashamed to say she is Irish; I like her take on writing.
Thank you Christine Speno, receiving the Kreativ Blogger Award has encouraged and validated my efforts to write.

                                                                                           Just Saying,

Claudia

Household Tips & Disclaimers

 

 

Aging & Attitude

There is a fantastic household tip I want to share with readers, however legal recommends prefacing this break through idea with a disclaimer.

You know what a disclaimer is, right?

The Encarta Dictionary definition is, “refusal to accept responsibility for something, e.g. a denial of legal liability for any injury associated with product or damages arising from an accident.”

A standard disclaimer says, if I suggest or recommend something and something stupid happens causing you injury, I am not to blame. There is no opportunity to sue because you assumed the risk, like swimming in a pool with no lifeguard on duty; it is your fault if you drown.

A real time situation is; I recommend using duct tape as a cost saving measure to remove facial hair and in attempting to do so you also remove several layers of skin, you cannot ask me to pay for any necessary cosmetic surgery.

Remember Forest Gump, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

Please, do not try this, although it might work, common sense indicates using duct tape in this way could be extremely painful.

The example demonstrates the legal necessity for a disclaimer, preventing attempts to get money for stupidity, not that I think anyone reading this is stupid.

You get the point.

You will not be signing anything. Suffice to say, if you use the household tip below you agreed to the disclaimer because the only way to learn about this life changing tip guaranteed to reduce stress and frustration, is to read it here.

It is similar to signing papers in the doctor’s office that we give permission, well not really permission; informs us our medical information is shared with everyone, except our husband or a close living relative. It sounds like we have a choice but try not signing; the doctor will not see you. We have no choice but to sign.

Here you have no choice, either, but you do not have to sign, makes more sense to me.    

Get ready for this life changing household tip.

You know those plastic caps that will not come off spray cans in spite of squeezing, pulling, and repositioning your hand numerous times, then finally pop off with a jolt that jackknifes both elbows and knocks over a Waterford crystal wine glass, well I do not know of an easy way to get it off, but here is the tip; do not put it back on, under no circumstances.  Throw the top in the garbage or hide in a mysterious place.

That is it, could not be easier. Your quality of life will improve greatly. The first cap is the hardest to throw out, and it is normal to keep the cap, just in case; but soon you will be roaming room to room searching for caps that can be discarded.

A word of caution, do not attempt to remove several caps the first time as extreme euphoria has been reported, and in cases of euphoria lasting more than four hours, call your doctor immediately.

                                                                                                                                                                    . . . .  Just Saying

                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Monkeying Around Washington

Monkeying Around by http://jeffreykennedyart.com

Aging & Attitude

How do you stop Mitt Romney from telephoning?

On Wednesday, January 11th, 8PM the phone rings. I answer and hear a husky energetic voice say, “This is Mitt Romney.” I immediately hang up.

What is this man thinking?

Ryan Seacrest is center stage on TV and ready to say emphatically and for the eleventh time, “This is American Idol.”

Mitt is not deterred.

The next morning Claire calls with an invitation to attend a Sunday Republican rally at 4:30PM to greet, not meet the presidential candidate and his wife. I do not recognize Claire’s voice and she cannot be interrupted. This is not my friend Claire.

The former Governor, Romney must be living on a different planet, the Giants playoff game is Sunday.

As a courtesy, I stay on the line to say I have a previous engagement, but would not attend even if I did not, there is no such option. “STOP PHONING ME!” I scream into a dead connection.

The “caller unknown” phone calls continue morning, noon and night. I know it is Mitt, because we are on the Do Not Call List, although he does not leave a message and it might be Newt. I have no desire to listen to him either and do not answer.

Candidates have taken to using toss-a-way cells, it is cheaper and there is no turn around time when a last-minute rally is organized.  Evidently, as with insider trading, politicians are exempt from complying with the Do Not Call laws ( 888-382-1222) and take liberty to phone citizens at their pleasure.

Although not a Republican, I registered as one for the primary. It is misleading; I give the party that.

I was registered Independent and did not switch to Democratic because that primary is a done deal and I am not really a Democratic either.

If I am not a Republican, Democratic or Independent, what am I?

An angry voter, feeling like a mother needing to scold the children and yell, “Go to your rooms and don’t come out until you can act you age and solve the country’s problems.”

Oh, “And when you come out, lower your voice.”

                                                                                        . . . . Just Saying

Keystone XL Project and A Lesson in Roman Numerals

imagesKeystone XL and A Lesson in Roman Numerals

Aging & Attitude

The Roman numeral X stands for ten, but what about L and the combined XL. I am having a senior moment, cannot remember, and could search on-line but,*Mr. Wonderful is nearby; so I call to him. “What does the Roman numeral XL represent?”

“The Roman Numeral XL?” He asks to be sure.

“Yes, XL. How much is it?”

“Well X equals ten and L equals fifty, so you subtract the smaller number or 50-10=40, XL equals 40. Do you know what 100 is? He is showing off.

Of course I don’t, but attempt to bluff saying, “ LL,” with inflection in my voice.

He corrects me. “No, one hundred is C.” And proceeds to ask, “How about five hundred, what Roman numerals represent five hundred?”

Recalling V is five, I shout back, “CV, no wait, VC. Is it CCCCC?” Hoping one of these answers is correct.

“CCC is three hundred, however the Romans didn’t use more than three letters at a time. D is five hundred, and M is one thousand.” He says quite proudly.

We continue a ping-pong conversation about the Romans and their numerals, Mr. Wonderful showing off his Iona Prep education, me feeling stupid, and hoping there will not be a review test anytime soon.

“Why did you want to know?” He inquires.

“The Keystone XL Project that Obama decided against. I guess it is really the Keystone Forty Project. So you know about job years.” I am hoping he does not.

“Canada’s plan to construct a 1,700 mile oil pipeline to Mexico? Yea, I know about it.  Didn’t Obama cave for the environmentalists?”

“There are environmental concerns but the big issue is job years.” I reply more confident.

“Job years? What about job years, whatever happened to plain old jobs?”

“I’ll get to that. Job years is similar to BOGO and TWO FOR sales, only more confusing. It was on NPR. Diane Rehm’s guest panel had an hour-long discussion that left me perplexed so I went online. According to Wiki Answers, a job year is;  ‘The amount of work equal to the output of one person working for 1 year. If 4 people work on something for 3 months each, the total work was 1 man-year of work.’ Am I giving you a headache?”

“Yes, but look at the source. Are you sure it’s right?” Mr. Wonderful wants to know and continues commenting, “That answer could be from any normal average person who never went to college.”

I defend the information saying, “Or a crazy individual with advanced degrees. Whatever, use that definition and you’ll come up with the numbers talked about on NPR. You could read the transcript from The Diane Rehm Show. Better yet I’ll fill you in.”

Diane Rehm said, “One element that proponents of the Keystone pipeline have pointed to is the number of jobs. I’ve heard anywhere from 2,500 to 50,000, and most temporary jobs. What are the facts, Steve Mufson?” 

Steve Mufson responds, “TransCanada, the company that wants to build the pipeline, says this would create 20,000 job years — 13,000 for direct construction jobs and the rest for supply chain jobs. However, what they mean by job years is that if the project takes two years, then that is two job years. So, in fact, we’re really talking about 6,500 construction jobs, which, of course, is — are still — is still a real number of jobs, but not just as many as some of the proponents make it out to be.”

“Back up here, 13,000 years, that’s a mistake Right? A worker is eligible for Social Security before that. It’s crazy, insane.” Mr. Wonderful quips and chuckles.

“Now honey, they’re talking one man. It’s a big project.” I remind him.

My husband summarizes saying, ” Okay, let me get this straight, it would take one man working 13,000 years to complete the Keystone XL project. If you want the project completed in two years, divide 13,000 by 2, and do the math, you need 6,500 men to get the job done.  Well now, that makes perfect sense.”

“Not really, what makes sense is to create 6,500 real jobs in solar and wind construction and deleting email mandatory.” I retort.

“Solar energy and deleting email? This sounds similar to  Christopher Columbus and turkeys.” Mr. Wonderful exclaims sounding testy, and leading me to explain.

“Sort of, servers are needed to store information, generators keep those servers up and running, electricity is required to run the generators and oil is mostly used to create the electricity. Consequently if every American deleted their emails we would save money and we would not need the Keystone XL project, ask any Roman.”

                                                                                      . . . . Just Saying

*Mr. Wonderful is my husband of forty years.

Anytime Fitness with Bubbles

Anytime Fitness with Bubbles 

Aging & Attitude

Bubbles was at the gym today decked out in a hot pink workout suit, purple Merrells, a bubblegum glitter headband, and acrylic nails. She wore a scooped neck designer tee-shirt over a sports bra. Sweat covered her forehead.  When she got off the treadmill, a bead of perspiration trickled down her face, dribbled over her wrinkled neck to nestle in some serious cleavage. The bra was working overtime to support the girls.

Bubbles got my attention with her giggles and girlfriends a few months ago. All four of them were working out in a fun way, encouraging each other and laughing at their lack of grace. They called her Bubbles, but she looked like a Mary Jane. Clearly, these senior ladies were the bikini clad in crowd from my past. I guess all had steadies and made the cheerleading squad in High School. I was the cheerleader advisor and my teenage nickname was ClaudieMay.

When Bubbles plopped on an abs machine I jumped on the chest press next store, hoping to hear her story and wondering, if I said, “Hi, I’m ClaudieMay.” Would she say, “I’m Bubbles.”

I can complete three repetitions of twelve, using twenty-five pounds, without grunting. My goal is to not wear a bra. I take that back, my goal is to be comfortable wearing, or not wearing one. Women understand. Either way is uncomfortable now, and I wonder constantly about a heart attack, the band feels so tight.

Back to Bubbles, it does not make me feel better that she is thirty to forty pounds overweight and has muffin-top. Probably, she does not see the extra pounds and wrinkles in her mirror.

I want her magic looking-glass attitude; giggle to your sides hurt and wet your pants experiences. I could be bubbly with practice.

The pounds I lose during the week come back on the weekend and consequently, Mondays, I have to start losing the same few again and my mirrors reflect deep lines and wrinkles, not funny. (I am considering abstaining from cookies and wine on the weekends, also.)

I pass Mall windows and remark, “That old person looks so familiar, I feel like I know her,” to discover it is me.

The mind does not consider age. Bubbles clearly thinks she is sixteen. I have no desire to be sixteen and cheerleader advisor again. Hopefully, Bubbles is wise enough to know not to do splits.

Savings For Dummies

15845159-a-bag-of-money-to-represent-the-cost-of-a-housing-unit

Savings for Dummies

Aging & Attitude

   Mr. Wonderful says, “take a look at this,” and points to a Letter to the Editor in the News Journal (1/7/12).

Shrink ray strikes at grocery store

   “Having just returned from the grocery store, my choices were to either cry or laugh. I chose to laugh, and share with you.

   On the positive side, I had fewer bags to carry in the house, which also meant fewer items to put away-that’s a net positive result; I saved a few minutes of my precious day.

   The pound used to equal 16 ounces, but my coffee “pound” is now 11 ounces.  Maybe I’ll drink less coffee if there is less in my cupboard.

   The “pound” of potato chips is now 10.5 ounces.  I must send Frito-Lay a thank-you card.  I’m sure the company had my health in mind when they cut the size of the “pound bag. Less for more almost sounds like double dipping and not in a fun way.”                             

                                                            Ellen Johanson, Port Orange, Fl.

 

Ellen, a woman after my own heart, goes on to express her frustration with shrinking size and rising prices.

Mr. Wonderful continues the dialogue, “Just what I’m talkin about, and it’s the same with BOGO (buy one get one free). That pound of coffee that isn’t 16 ounces isn’t $5.99 it’s $6.81 The cost of the free one keeps going up, see what I’m saying.”

Married forty years, it is too early to argue marketing ploys. The item price has increased, and like the shrinking size double dipping scenario you get less, but the free one is still free. Actually, it is a half price, 50% off sale, but not really, because you cannot buy only one, like a two for sale when you can.

The shopper saved,$6.81, but not in the traditional way.

Similarly, a receipt now touts customer savings, another marketing ploy appealing to a “financial dreamer” willing to pay full price ($142.24) for a sweatshirt, sweatpants and tennis shoes, and consequently happy to spend a mere $64.80, convinced of saving $77.44. Well, only if they stop by the bank and deposit $77.44 in an account.

The reality, nothing is saved. The customer simply did not spend $77.44 more for a purchase they would not have otherwise made.

Saving is no longer simple.

Jennifer Richardson of Anchor Group/Bill Grigat in Daytona Beach identifies five financial personalities. Financial Dreamer is one of them, and believes women need female guidance with money. Ms. Richardson gives a more sophisticated version than mine below, however I believe, the essence is captured.

The personalities are:

  • Financial Initiator – In charge of your money and invests with success, could be a day trader.
  • Financial Analyzer –Lives within budget, spends money wisely, but lacking investment confidence, calls Jennifer.
  • Financial Collaborator – A spouse or significant other manages the money. They smile when informed of transactions. Jennifer advises financial independence.
  • Financial Avoider – In debt, experiences anxiety buying a latte and is working with a therapist.
  • Financial Dreamer – Habitually overspent, dreams about winning the lottery. Uses a credit card to pay a credit card bill. Jennifer is their 911

Saving was easy before advertising manipulated consumers to want everything they see and buy everything they want. It is possible to want something and not buy it, thinking about dust and clutter deter me.

Saving money might be real simple. Here is a suggestion; spend less than you earn and put the difference in a Cookie Jar.

Just Saying

2011 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Thank you Word Press for this report. It was a very good year. Obviously it will help my status in the Word Press blog community if readers ‘like’ below.  ….Just Saying, Thank You  

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,000 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 17 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.