Category Archives: #Writing/ #Learn to Write/#Publish/#Critique/#Short Story

Uncle Sam Shenanigans

Posted on by

3

Aging & Attitude

Uncle Sam Shenanigans

(Conversation between Uncle Sam and Mr. Working Middle Class)

“You know Mr. Working Middle Class, Congress is going to raise your taxes.”

“No way Uncle Sam, you’re kidding, right?”

“Am I a Kidder?  On Fox Sunday News, Democratic Senator Dick Durbin said, ‘I can’t believe, that at a time when working families in this country are struggling paycheck to paycheck, when we need them to have the resources to buy things in our economy, to create wealth and profitability and more jobs, that the Republican position is they’ll raise the payroll tax on working families? I think that just defies logic.’

“Me too, I already pay enough income tax.”

“No, they’re leaving income tax alone. Payroll tax, well really Social Security Payroll tax, FICA, you pay half and your employer pays the other half, Social Security Entitlement.”

“Social Security Entitlement, don’t you mean Social Security Benefits that I’m entitled to because I gave you money from my pay; and my employer matched that amount, to invest for my retirement and health care.”

“Right, only I didn’t invest all of it, but let’s stay focused on the Republicans. It’s not a real tax increase, call it a take back, or take away….your pay will be less because you can’t get the tax break you got. Don’t look so puzzled, payroll taxes were reduced by 2% for a year so working people could buy more stuff and stimulate the economy, create jobs. It’s time to start paying your full share again. Republicans, simply don’t want a lower rate extended.”

“Oh, I get it. Just like Bush gave the wealthy tax breaks and now it’s time for them to start paying their full share again.”

“Yes, only Republicans are smarter, they’ll never pay the 3.25% surtax on income over one million proposed by the Democrats to cover the deficit created by your 2% break. And nobody will notice when they extend their tax breaks, again.”

“Republicans have a better plan?”

“Yuppie, Republicans want to pay with cuts elsewhere. House Speaker, John Boehner recommends:

  • Freeze Federal Employee’s pay until 2015
  • Reduce bureaucracy by 200,000 jobs through attrition
  • Raise Medicare premiums for the wealthy
  • Deny unemployment benefits and food stamps for incomes over seven figures”

“Won’t that increase employment? People earning one million dollars are eligible for unemployment and food stamps?”

“Get real, the wealthy live paycheck to paycheck too.”

“Neither of these bills will pass.”

“You got that right, Mr. Working Middle Class.”

“What’s Congress going to do?”

“It’s an election year, extend the 2%, and borrow to cover the deficit. Don’t be so concerned with the wealthy.”

“You got to be kidding me.”

“Do I look like a Kidder?”

                                                                Just Saying 

Thanksgiving Turkey & Christopher Columbus

Posted on by

7

Turkey and Christopher Columbus

Aging and Attitude

Writers can be odd thinkers. Their thinking is not peculiar, insane, or eccentric; they think differently. In my case, thoughts of cooking a turkey attach themselves to Christopher Columbus, the explorer.

Thanksgiving is a week away and Columbus Day Sale events are fresh in my mind. I could purchase a turkey on sale and cook it perfectly.

A bigger issue may be fueling this association.

Christopher Columbus questioned conventional thinking that the earth was flat. He was a trailblazer.

I am not in his league, but why do ‘people in the know’ or chefs say, “cook a turkey breast side up”?

For years, I have secretly roasted a turkey breast side down.  Recently, my discretion was revealed to a few close friends. They were speechless. Fearing they would consider me mentally ill, I explained.

“A turkey dries out breast side up as the juices sink to the bottom of the pan, so we baste the bird frequently. Why not turn the turkey upside down and stop opening the oven door?”

I was ready for their concerns and cautioned myself, do not mention your view on gravy.

“The bird will sit lopsided in the pan.” Several exclaim.

“So what, does it need a perfect tan?” I say.

“The pop-up button letting you know when it is done will not pop.” They announce in high-definition.

“The pop-up button doesn’t always pop-up.” I counter.

Christopher Columbus was not the only one to consider the earth might be round.

Perhaps I am not a lonely turkey renegade. 

Please cast your vote below for breast up or breast down. 

Just Wondering      

                                                                             

Got to Love Scotty McCreery

Posted on by

9

Got to Love Scotty

Age & Attitude

   Scotty McCreery, the deep throat apple pie American Idol winner, who stole my heart, released his debut album “Clear as Day” a week or so ago. Those eager blue eyes and barely old enough to shave face displayed on a super store kiosk spoke to my motherly instincts. I am not a Country Music kind of gal but impulse purchases could help him go gold. Mr. Wonderful* agreed and we made the buy smiling.

We were not disappointed. The album consists of twelve love songs. Chris Talbott writes in “Moving On”, an Associated Press article, “Each of the 12 songs comes from a youthful perspective or voice, and McCreery says they just naturally fell into categories of love – romantic love, family love, and love for the place you come from.”

That explains what happened to me listening to “I Love You This Big.”

My son’s first word was car, my daughter’s boat. Many days, after teaching at PS 72 in the Bronx, I would put them in the car and drive to look at the boats in the bay at College Point. I would park our orange 1973 Datsun (with a hole in the floorboard) and take their hands to walk the shoreline saying, “See the ocean, that’s how much I love you.” Their young minds could not grasp the concept of endless love, but it made me feel better.

Scotty’s vocals transform the words, ” This Big, I love you deeper than the ocean, I love you all the time. I’ll spend the rest of my life explaining what words cannot describe. I love you this big.” His music speaks to your heart.

It is probably better to listen to the album.

Scotty McCrerry, I love you now but I needed you then.                   

                                                                                                                  ….Just Saying.

*Mr. Wonderful is my husband of forty years.

 

“Overactive What?”

Posted on by

11

 Aging & Attitude

Overactive bladder is a scary phrase for someone my age.  According to Dr. Paul Donohue, there are several ways to wet your pants.  His daily column in the local News Journal Newspaper answered a reader’s concerns and the good news; you can retrain your bladder, and or take medicine.

Leakage or stress incontinence is the loss of urine that comes when swinging a golf club, laughing, and sneezing. Laughter and golf may not go well together. If you anticipate a good time golfing, tee up with pads, not knee, the other kind. Perhaps you have seen Whoopi Goldberg’s TV advertisements. Another option is to be a straight-faced golfer committed to not laughing.

Urge incontinence is the other overactive bladder condition. Early symptoms (in my non-medical opinion) are, fear that a bathroom is not readily available when needed, and using a bathroom when you do not really have to go resulting in bladder shrinkage.

Dr. Donohue states that the medicines Vesicaare, Enablex, Detrol, Ditropan, and Sanctura help control the urge resulting from bladder contractions. He suggests retraining the bladder by delaying going to the bathroom for five minutes for a full week and gradually increasing the time before “going” until you are “going” every two hours or more. This process may result in doing the pee-pee dance, but it does work.

He also recommends avoiding alcohol, carbonated beverages, milk, milk products, honey, sugar and artificial sweeteners during training periods. This man is no fun.

Dr. Donohue goes on to describe a more barbaric invasive procedure, called InterStim no one wants to talk about, although it does stimulate a nerve somewhere in the lower body.

Thank you Dr. Paul Donohue. It is comforting to know there are options. We can take medicine or give up wine, ice cream and going out to retrain our bladder. . . .just saying.