Category Archives: #Humor/Comical/Funny/Humorus

Mr. Wonderful Goes Keurig!

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Keurig
I have loved the smell and taste of coffee, since the age of thirteen, when I was allowed an occasionally cup.

My parents drank instant, but I quickly acquired an appetite for the real deal at the Plaza Hotel in New York City. Polished silver pots of hot perked coffee, accompanied by tiny white porcelain pitchers filled with heavy cream, were delivered on trays to the Banquet Office. I was a file clerk and felt special drinking the aromatic coffee from a bone china cup with the Plaza logo on it.

Our first coffee pot, a ten-cup corning ware electric was a wedding gift, and only used when company came. As time passed I finessed a four cup Farberware electric into our daily routine and said goodbye to instant coffee.

Once retired, Mr. Wonderful assumed many household responsibilities, and insisted we needed a Mr. Coffee. How could I refuse when the person asking was doing the food shopping and mopping the kitchen floor?

Life was good because, although Mr. Wonderful frequently wakes several hours before me and the new pot would turn off, he would have a fresh pot ready, and press start when he heard the toilet flush.

A good cup of coffee is more than a good cup of coffee, and Mr. Wonderful makes a great cup of coffee, smooth and never bitter.

Then along came the Keurig, the individual cup miracle machine. I had my first cup at my friend Christine’s house and fell in love with the red colored machine.
Christine explained that her husband, Angelo, was still working, so the additional cost per cup was not a problem and were planning for the added expense in retirement. They love their Keurig!

I shared her sentiment but responded nonchalantly. Mr. Wonderful’s reputation as a coffee brewer and his stock piling of BOGO Free Eight O’clock coffee would not translate into fifty cents a cup. Besides how do you tell the man you love you have found something better.

I wanted a Keurig, but kept my desire a secret. It would be ridiculous to complain, Bob makes great coffee, and cleans up the mess.

However, on February 17th of this year things changed. We stayed with my sister, Marti Gert and she had a Keurig! I did not scream YES, or do a happy dance and recall acting nonchalant as I went to bed feeling like Santa would arrive in the morning.

When I woke, Mr. Wonderful greeted me saying, “We should get one of these, it makes coffee better than I do.

We purchased the miracle machine shortly after.

Yes, the cost is close to double what we paid for a Mr. Coffee cup, but we are worth it and have advised our financial person to make adjustments for a lifetime supply of K-cups.

Morning Walk

Morning Walk

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Morning Walk April 24, 2014 The morning air is cool in Florida. As May unfolds the heat intensifies, and the humidity, accompanied by a sultriness that is hard to forget, descends. But for now, I enjoy early walks bemused by … Continue reading →

Conscious Uncoupling Vs. Smart Phones

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00000410                                                       On our first cruise around 1990

Aging & Attitude

Recommitted to posting a weekly blog I jump started the process last week by researching this week’s topic, Conscious Uncoupling.

Have you heard about Conscious Uncoupling? Gwyneth Paltrow and husband, Chris Martin, are doing it; getting divorced.

I was proceeding in a timely fashion and things were looking good until Mr.Wonderful (aka Bob) purchased two smart phones, a Samsung Galaxy s3 for me, and a Samsung Galaxy Rugby Pro for himself. The learning curve is high with the acquisition of an expensive toy, but not to worry; there was lots of time to do both, write and find a signature ring for the new phone.

What is Conscious Uncoupling? Author and therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas coined the phrase as a process to;

• Release the trauma of a breakup
• Reclaim your power
• Reinvent your life

In other words; a civilized way to decide who gets the house, and what will you do if you don’t.

Gwyneth Paltrow announced the Conscious Uncoupling on Goop, a digital media and e-commerce company she founded to share all of “life’s positives.” Goop offers information on many things from recipes to the perfect dress and Paltrow shows good sense.

The Samsung Galaxy s3 mini in my back pocket vibrates, and interrupts my thoughts. I struggle to unlock the phone swiping up and down, then side to side and tapping. It is a text from At&t saying “Don’t delay, enroll today” in the Mobile Protection Pack.

So, without delay, I start the process, but find I must agree to things I am unsure about; so power off, and focus on Gwyneth and her daughter Apple. Named after a fruit, Conscious Uncoupling is sure to be difficult for the child.

Conscious Uncoupling is being adopted by others. A British Labour Party lawmaker used the term to reference a political disagreement as, “another example of coalitions conscious uncoupling,” Nevertheless my mind conjures a picture of a train wreck, and  I  wonder if I can somehow get in touch with Putin, he needs to hear about Conscious Uncoupling.

Katherine Woodward believes it takes about five years to truly heal from a breakup and offers a free online download to overcome the three major mistakes people make. Misconceptions perpetuated by Hollywood and media make the process long.

Dr. Sherry Sami and Dr. Habib Sadeghi, believe Conscious Uncoupling will redefine divorce, and the past practice of blaming yourself and partners. Dr. Sami addresses the issue of multiple relationships and says mating for life was easier for cavemen and women because of a shorter life expectancy, about thirty-three years. She has a point.

It was also easier because they did not have cell phones, nor need to decide if At&t Mobile Protection plan can access their contact list, photos, and video’s. After several phone calls and reassurance that the information is stored in a Cloud and only comes down if I lose or damage the phone. I check the agree square. It has taken three days to come to the decision.

We did manage to sync our phones to Blue Tooth in our vehicle and change our wallpaper without much difficulty. Next I need to find out what Google Play is and if I want to shop at the Google Play Store.

Mr. Wonderful and I are married 43 years and easily could have divorced for we have little in common, except values and we both like to laugh. This year he surprised me with a cruise to Bermuda, our honeymoon location; to celebrate and replace our vows with a year-to-year contract, that has no penalty fees.

Conscious Uncoupling is always a possibility.

. . . . just saying

Feeling Snarky

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    Snarky is how I feel;  you know cranky and annoyed. I am irritated and out of sorts about life’s absurdity. I am not alone, snarky is gaining popularity. Sam Champion recently used the verb to describe his conversations with former coworker, Al Roker. I never had a chat with Al or Sam, but know about snarky.

   Here are examples of what makes me snarky:

• The cost of two standard white pillowcases in Kohl’s is $49.99.
• A video pop-up blocks my recipe search for sausage on the Food Network.
•  Rug Advertisements appear on my Facebook page after shopping online for        rugs.
• My new smart phone doesn’t ring because the volume is off.
• Having my groceries triple wrapped in plastic and put in cloth bags I provided.

   I feel snarky about, Candy Crush, Linkedin, Twitter, Email and even my own WordPress blog. I am disenfranchised with social media and have been on a hiatus. Now I am getting back on that horse.

   The original word snark, a noun for animal, was the subject in Louis Carroll’s poem, “The Hunting of The Snark.” The poem categorized as nonsense, is whimsical and humorous, and I laughed out loud enjoying its absurdity. Substitute a few of today’s politicians, i.e. Chris Christy, Jeb Bush and Hilary Clinton for the Bellman, Barrister and Beaver, and things start to sound sensible because in the end,  the Snark was a Boojum. What is a Boojum? It is a tree; but in Lewis Carroll’s poem, something imagined.

   Gradually snark morphed to a verb, meaning to be critical in a rude or sarcastic way, or to find fault. In my case, it might be an emotion, but more civilized and requiring less energy.

   So in the pillowcase incident, I did not ask to see the manager or email customer service but went to Walmart and bought two quality standard cases in a cloth bag (no plastic packaging) for $5.99.

    By the way, a free copy of Lewis Carroll’s nonsense poem can be found at The Public Domain Review along with a real find; a 1933 original video of a farmer playing hand fart songs. It is a hoot.

   After reading Lewis Carroll’s poem I was inspired and wrote the following poem. It may not make sense.

. . . .  just saying

Knock Knock

“Not only that, but this way you know,
Whatever you want, you need to let go,” said the door to the floor.

“Just set yourself free? How could that be?
Tell me more, it could be a trap,” said the floor.

“It could be a trap,  and not only that,
We could be much more!
I swing from hinges on call,
Hear mysterious things about it all.
Rumor – there is a big world to explore,” said the door.

“Whatever, a floor, a room, a broom, something more;
Will I be happy as somebody else, or happy simply being myself?
Not only that, do I go it alone?” said the floor.

“I can’t tell you that, what do I know?
But I can tell you this;
You’ll hear the door slam, if you don’t come along.
Not only that,” said the door to the floor.

 

The Eraser Law vs The Golden Rule

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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Albert Einstein

 

Alexander McCall Smith is a favorite author of mine, although it is hard to say why. He is a series writer, “The #1 Ladies Detective Agency” being his best well-known. I am currently reading “The Uncommon Appeal of Clouds,” one of “The Isabel Dalhousie Novels.”

The composer Mozart is the subject in the first page of the book, and compared to Srivinase Ramaniyan, another child prodigy, in the next few. Not a page turner since I have little interest or knowledge of classical music, and never heard of  Ramaniyan. Yet, I am compelled to keep reading, fascinated by McCall Smith’s ability to make the mundane important.

The story unfolds slowly as Isabel Dalhousie, the protagonist, shares her wisdom and concerns as a philosopher and editor of “The Review of Applied Ethics.” It is dull, but I am entertained by her thoughts.

It is Isabel’s description of another character as offensive, minus social clues and lacking social judgment, that reminds me of my third grade teacher, Miss Pendergrass and The Golden Rule.

Isabel feels badly when she offends another, even a stranger and strives to change her behavior.

 The first day of school, a Tuesday after Labor day, Miss Pendergrass instructed us to open our composition notebooks and on the inside cover write, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.” Fake orange and yellow leaves decorated the bulletin board and the eraser monitor’s name was written on the black board. A class discussion on the matter followed. 

 Now jump ahead to the year 2015, when the “Eraser Law” will take effect in the state of California. The law will protect minors by giving them the right to delete comments on social media. There is debate about the message; say or do what you want, you can erase it, without consequences.  There is no provision for treating others the way you would want to be treated.

The Eraser Law evolved in reaction to a court decision not to protect the public from their own stupidity, but to coddle the young, in lieu of teaching them the Golden Rule.

In November of 2009, the disgruntled staff of B.J. Roberts, sheriff of Hampton, Virginia liked the Facebook account of his opponent during the election. Despite his staff’s lack of support, Roberts won reelection, and decided not to employ his detractors. These actions became a court matter when the unemployed protested, and claimed firing on grounds of a “Facebook Like” was a violation of their First Amendment Rights.

The court said, you don’t quite get it, grow up!

They were forced to look for new jobs.

I think about Miss Pendergrass and wonder what she would tell third graders about the Eraser Law, while she has the misbehaving write 500 times; “I will not talk in class.”

. . . . just saying

Counting Jelly Beans 101 for Baby Boomers

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CANDYLOGOsat“Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. ” 
    Coco Chanel

The YouTube video “The Time You Have in Jelly Beans” has more than four million views and rightly so. The author, Zefrank 1, demonstrates visually how we spend time using jelly beans and the voice of Sad Cat Diary Guy explains the math. The message is effectively communicated, and the end poses provoking questions:

  • What are you doing with your time?
  • How much time do you have left?
  • What if you had half that amount?
  • What will you do with it?
  • What are you going to do today?

In order to answer the questions I did the math, you know multiplication, division and percentages, and it is complicated for Baby Boomers. The statistics are based on a life expectancy of 79 years or 28,835 jellybeans, minus 5,475 jelly beans for the formative years, leaving 23,360 jelly beans to divvy up among must do activities.  This is the breakdown. 

Activity                                   Jelly Beans                    Percentage of time

Sleeping                                  8,477                                      36%

Work                                        3,202                                     13%

TV Watching                            2,676                                     11%

Food, etc                                  1,635                                        6%

Chores                                       1,576                                       6%

Community Service                     720                                        3%

Attending others                           564                                       2%

Personal Care                                671                                       2%

These activities account for 83% of our time, leaving 3,839 beans to spend as we like. The message is clear; it is not a lot of jelly beans so spend them carefully.

Most Baby Boomers have about 5,110 jelly beans left; many are retired, so add the 13% previously allocated to work, to the 17% already designated to the area of do what you like, and life looks exciting, until you do the math.

It is not as difficult as the “New Math” of the 1980’s but it is tricky and there is a learning curve. Here is an example:

Retired, Dave has 5,110 jellybeans left, of which he plans to use 1533 for fun. He is invited to play pickle ball, and with the first serve falls, shatters his hip, and undergoes surgery. He now has a metal pin. How many jellybeans does Dave have remaining for leisure activities?

Please leave your answer in the comment section.

                                                                                          . . . . just saying 

You’ll enjoy this post,Ten Surprises Your Body Has in Store for You

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Pickled Carrots

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GE DIGITAL CAMERA“Why have sour grapes when you can eat pickled carrots?”

Who knew Pickled Carrots are popular?

Sorry, it is not a metaphor for a political rant or observation on life (as in sour grapes); it is a carrot recipe, as pickled cucumbers are pickles.

 The food item was recently a topic of conversation on Mostly Martha.

Martha Stewart interviewed Caroline Fidanza, owner of restaurant “Saltie” and the title of her cookbook. They talked about pickled carrots and her other business venture, the Gotham West Market Place.

Gotham is a new “food hall” in New York City between the theater district and Hudson River Park .  It sounds like an incredible food experience that can be read about at dailycandy.com.

Although Martha lists several recipes on her site, I chose Caroline Fidanza’s recipe, it was easy, quite delicious and an alternative condiment.

Pickled Carrots

1/2 cup sugar ( diabetes substitution, 1 tbsp sugar & 5 packets of equal)                                                                   

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 cup white or apple vinegar

3 large carrots julienne or shredded

Marinate carrots 30 minutes at room temp or refrigerate over night. Blanch carrots if you want a little less crunch in your carrots.     

Why pickled carrots? Well, today is Sunday and the one pound I lost last Friday has not come back . . . yet!

. . . . just saying

 

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Happy Passengers At Wrong Airport

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imagesWhat, Me Worry?
Mad Magazine, Alfred E. Newman

“How Could That Happen?” I say aloud, but really talking to myself.

Mr. Wonderful* replies somewhat distracted, “How could what happen?”

He is lounging in his favorite sunny spot on the couch doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with an ink pen. I sit nearby, viewing a you tube video on my laptop.

“How could an airplane land at the wrong airport?”

“I haven’t a clue,” he says mimicking Brad Hawkins, a spokesperson for Southwest who said, “There is no explanation.”

Evidently, wrong airport landings happen.

In this particular incident the pilot brought the plane to a screeching halt to avert falling onto the interstate.

Brad announced that Southwest would refund tickets and provide future travel credit, whatever that means.

Passengers, waiting for bus transportation to the right airport, smiled and called the pilot a hero.

How could Southwest make this blunder? I love Southwest; there are no fees for checking luggage, or to change a flight. Plus, on the flight home from Albuquerque New Year’s Day, the flight attendant sang to us.

“Whatever happened to air traffic controllers? Don’t they tell pilots when and where to land. Remember, when Regan threatened to fire all of them, did he?

“Claudia, that was in 1981, they’ve probably been replaced with technology.”

“Like a GPS or Bluetooth.”

“I haven’t a clue. What’s a six letter word for gabardine?”

“Fabric, that’s what happened.”

“What’s what happened?”

“Technology, automation and pilots forgetting how to fly, there are two articles online. Do you think the pilot was texting or taking a selfie, maybe he fell asleep like the conductor of that Metro-North Train?”

“That conductor is not being charged; neither drugs, nor alcohol were involved and falling asleep isn’t a crime.”

“Not even if you’re driving a train?”

“Guess not, the investigation of the wrong airport thing should be interesting.”

“Technology is to blame; those stupid voice commands don’t work. You know what happens when we use it. We say phone Janine, and the Blue Tooth repeats, ‘phone Judy’.  We say no, it says ‘phone Janice’, we yell louder NOOOOOOOOOOO Phone JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJanine. The automated system phones Judy. We disconnect and try again. This time the commands say press one to phone Judy, press two to phone Janice and Janine isn’t in the mix. We hang up, grab the cell, and dial Janine’s number. I’m sure that’s what happened to the pilot.”

“Right Claudia, you’re right, you’re always right.”

“No think about it, replace Janine with airport code BKG, Judy with MGC and Janice with KBGB and you’ll see what I mean. The pilot’s ‘automatic pilot’ kicked in and he landed the plane without any annoying automation.  No worry it was the wrong airport, the passengers were happy.”

. . . . just saying  

*Mr. Wonderful is my husband of 43 years.

Upworthy and Conflicted

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ICanHazMeaningCat500Picture from Upworthy/ Core message; I have meaning.

Have you heard about Upworthy? Neither had I until Eli Pariser, its founder, was interviewed on CBS News . It is one of those social media websites, but different. Pariser categorizes his website as “a social media with a mission.” If you see someone dancing in their underwear it will be to draw attention to a meaningful topic, i.e., pollution, going green, health care, etc.

I am intrigued but conflicted. Conflicted about time; the time it will take to search and read about this new website. Today, I have six plus hours to write, since Mr. Wonderful is out of the house playing golf. You are right, six hours sounds like more than a game of golf, and when asked about another woman. Mr. Wonderful says, “Another woman would be cheaper.”

Back to writing, I could turn What is Upworthy? into a post, but planned to write about another New Year’s Resolutions, to stand up straight.

Curiosity wins and I do a search, conflicted about going off task versus living in the moment. What the heck, I am retired.

Upworthy is not a newspaper and does not report news. You watch videos like the one of Jennifer Livingston  responding to a WKBT viewer email about her weight. The viewer criticized Jennifer as obese and not a proper role model. The world joined her retort that he is a bully. The video originally posted on Upworthy went viral.

David Carr, a writer for the New York Times, labels Upworthy a “news aggregation site.” The word means accumulating, joining, or combining and its founder agrees.

Pairser says, “At best, things online are usually either awesome or meaningful, but everything on Upworthy.com has both.”  He believes Upworthy is:

  • sensational and substantial
  • entertaining and enlightening
  • shocking and significant

His staff, a  ragtag group of ruffians, fact check all posts/videos and Pairser claims their audience consists of “people who care about the world, but don’t want to be bored.”

The CBS interview was positive. Charlie Rose asked about the market for real news and Pairser made an analogy to the vegetable Brussels-sprouts, commenting; media portrays meaningful news as undesirable but essential. He thinks there is a craving for substantial news and believes Upworthy has no empty calories.

I like Brussels-sprouts.

Now that I know what Upworthy is, what good is it?

Well it is an informative media. I watched several videos and although not entertained, not bored. John Green gave a passionate eight minute rant about health care and sounded knowledgeable. Viewers cannot comment on Upworthy, but can like on Facebook and Twitter, and tweet or comment away.

So that was my day. I did attempt to change my theme for this blog and after one hour settled on changing the background color to amber, which is another New Year’s resolution, add color to my life.

. . . . just saying

P.S. I’ve been jumping around every day this week and haven’t lost one pound. Tomorrow is Friday. Also, please like me on Facebook and follow me on twitter, both at claudiajustsaying.

Thanks

2014 Weight Loss Resolution

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A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”   Lao-tse  

   Here we go again; the number one New Year’s resolution is to lose weight, unfortunately only eight percent of those making the intention succeed. That means ninety-two percent or almost everyone fails, and I am one of them. It was my resolution last year, the year before and the year before that; to lose the five pounds gained in retirement. Granted it is not the freshmen fifteen but I am not eighteen either. Mr. Wonderful, my husband of 42 years, says, “You’re not really overweight.” My response, “Yea and that’s the way I want to keep it.” Besides not really overweight is equal to, not really smart or its counter not really stupid. His comment does not make me feel better. My pants are tight, and please do not suggest I wear pants with an elastic waist. I am philosophically opposed to the fashion concept.

You may think losing five pounds for someone my size is easy, but it is not. In order to lose one pound a week I need to cut my caloric intake by 500 calories a day or eat 25% to 30% less than I now consume. What typically happens is that I am “Good” on weekdays and take off the pound, but it comes back over the weekend. On Monday I face the same old challenge.

Consequently, to meet success in 2014, I have consulted a professional personal trainer, my brother, Victor. He reinvented himself in retirement and has his own business, VB Fitness(vicboylhart@gmail.com), with a catchy tag line; “Stay Fit With Vic.” The Silver Sneakers flock to him. Vic’s advice, “Sis, you can cut calories to lose weight OR increase activity and people who want to lose more have to do both.”

Vic explains, “walk one mile, lose one hundred calories. Take any amount of time to do that but the faster you walk the less time you need to burn calories. That is why people run.” Vic can lose a pound in 6 point something minutes.

But Vic, “I do not run, my boobs shake, but I walk several times a week for about 30 minutes and exercise with Miranda Esmonde-White’s The Classical Stretch routine.”

Vic smiles and says, “That’s the problem you’re burning calories not fat. You have to sweat and exercise 40 minutes or longer, sweating clears the body of toxins. ”

But Vic, “I don’t like to sweat! How about I change my resolution to; I’m not going to gain five pounds.”

Mr. Smarty Pants response is to do jumping-jacks, he is right.

The American College of Sports Medicine recommends:

  • Adults participate in at least 150 minutes/week of moderate-intensity physical activity to prevent significant weight gain and reduce associated chronic disease risk factors. For most adults, this amount of physical activity is easily achieved in 30 minutes/day, five days a week.
  • Overweight and obese individuals will most likely experience greater weight reduction and prevent weight regain with 250+ minutes/week of moderate-intensity physical activity and reducing calories.
  • ACSM also recommends strength training as part of this health and fitness regimen, to increase fat-free mass and further reduce health risks.

Consequently the way for me to lose weight is; give up wine, give up cookies, and jump around until I sweat. I love my cookies with coffee as an afternoon snack and seriously, sweating is highly over rated.

   Place your bets!

. . . . just saying