The Alphabet Series-O is for Ordinary

Aging & Attitude

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New Thoughts on Words

“Honey, I’m home,” yells Mr. Wonderful,* as he parades himself through the front door carrying a boxed Hamilton Beach toaster oven I requested he buy. I meet him in the kitchen as he continues saying, “You’re gonna love it,” his chest buffed out, ready to strut his feathers like he is a peacock.

“Great,” I respond as excited as he is, “Was it still on sale?”

“Yes, $37.99.” He answers and reaches for a sharp knife to cut through the cellophane tape.

“Wait!” I demand. “Don’t open it! You didn’t get the red one. It says black, see.”

I point to the bold lettering on the box.

Hamilton Beach Toaster Oven

Black

“What’s the difference? They didn’t have a red one. Black, red, it makes toast, heats rolls, melts cheese.”

“Black is ordinary, dull, predictable. Black lacks distinction. Red adds, pizzazz, makes a statement.”

He says, “Who needs a statement? I want toast in the morning, ordinary, plain toast. I add cherry jelly if I need pizzazz. Dull and ordinary is just fine by me.”

“Fine? As in average, common and mundane. I want better than fine. Red adds color, interest against the black granite. I’ll take it back, where’s the receipt?”

“What difference does it make, nobody sees it. It’s a toaster.”

“I see it. Now I’m a nobody?”

“Claudia, that’s not what I meant, you’re being ridiculous, why can’t you ever be happy?”

“So I’m a ridiculous unhappy nobody.”

“I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“It doesn’t matter what you said, what you meant was, STOP being a pain in MY butt and settle for ordinary.”

“Geezzzzzzzzzz, What if it only came in black, you’d have to be happy with black.”

“Now I should fake it, pretend I like humdrum black. Did you look for chrome? Chrome, at least chrome would be different.

“You’re right. I’ll take it back. Why be ordinary? God forbid we’re ordinary. Whatever you want. If a red toaster oven makes you happy, I’m happy too. Yada, yada, yada”

*Mr. Wonderful is my husband of forty-two years. This was posted in 2013. He returned the black toaster oven and we still have the red one.
The picture on the left was taken this morning. Still looking good he prefers to be called, Bobbie C. And yes we are still married. . .fifty-two years.

….just saying

The Alphabet Series The Letter M

I wrote Minutiae in 2013, so ten years ago and remember seeing a woman who reminded me of myself walking. The rest of the story. . .well was pure fabrication. Minutiae means little things, details or nonsense. Today, October 11, 2023 the minutiae in my life is overwhelming. My husband was hospitalized last week, and the follow-up care is detailed and unbelievable.

We are both 75 years old, and we have been married 52 years. My husband has survived pancreatic cancer, and now has prostrate cancer, again. He has no pancreas, spleen, gallbladder, appendix, or thyroid. Recently, we added some devices, and now has a pacemaker, watchman, insulin pump, and a nine inch rod in his arm because; he scattered his humerus bone!

However he does have full head of hair and all his own teeth. As a member of the medical community commented; “He looks better in person than on paper.”

He was admitted for Metabolic Encephalophy and in need of emergency treatment. After two nights and three days in the hospital the doctors said they could find nothing else wrong with him, and the alarming indicators has retreated to normal.

My conclusion; his body needed to be rebooted and reset to his default settings. Needless to say writing played second fiddle to the shenanigans. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the story below.

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Minutiae

Traffic on Granada Street was light.  An intense Florida sun warmed the car’s interior and made the steering wheel hot.  My plan was to leisurely drive home along the Tomoka River, when a young woman walking caught my attention.  She could have been me forty years ago, her long oval face and golden blonde hair looked so familiar.

Circling the block for a second look, I saw she wore a lively yellow and tangerine colored sundress exposing the right amount of skin.  Spaghetti straps tied in bows relaxed on her shoulders.  The dress was vintage hippie.

I parked, got out of the car and stood in the shade.  In the distance, she sat on a bus stop bench, her straight back and firm chin taken for granted, a slouch bag at her side, intriguing me.   I approached her directly, “Excuse me, can you tell me where Found Treasures Consignment Shop is?”  It was a ruse.  I had been there the day before to leave clothing and knew the exact location.
Looking up, she smiled and repeated my question, “Found Treasures Consignment Store?  Sure, go across the street and see that alley between the buildings?  She raised a hand wearing a mood ring and pointed. “By the Oak tree there’s like a narrow path that like…. you know what; I’ll show you.”

Closer, I saw freckles on her nose like I had.  Her platform sandals looked comfortable and practical. Her toenails painted cherry red.  She looked stylish, as I remembered myself to be.

“That isn’t really necessary.”

“Oh hush, I love that store.”

“Thanks, I’m fairly new to Florida and never sure where I’m going.”

“Me too, I’m like forever lost.  Where are you from?”

“New Jersey, I retired and moved here two years ago.

She came to Daytona for bike week and met her boyfriend.
“You know that show Jersey Shore?  You know that guy Mike, “The Situation”?  That’s who my boyfriend looks like, only he’s got bigger muscles.”  She chewed gum and blew a pink bubble announcing, “No way was I going home.  He’s like not the one, but it’s cool.”

The traffic was heavy now. We stood on the sidewalk waiting for an opportunity to cross. Standing in the hot sun, my mind wandered to the time I was her age and realized how lost she was.

A yellow corvette exceeding the speed limit created an opening in the traffic.  She looped her hand through my elbow and we rushed arm and arm across the street.

Standing on the cracked sidewalk, she turned to face me, patted my thin windblown hair in place, and asked, “Did I tell you I’m going on tour with Tony Bennett?”

Tony Bennett, the singer?  I thought her too young to know a favorite of mine.

“Yes, THE Tony Bennett! You know cause of Daytona’s Music Festival, he, well, Mr. Bennett was performing at the Peabody.”

“Ms. Witch”, my friend Michelle, that’s what we call her cause she’s nasty, we’re like playing Beach Volley Ball and there’s this fight. Witch got into it, scratching, and pulling hair, using the F word and the N word.  I got my tanning lotion and walked away.  Mr. Bennett’s daughter, Toni, saw the whole thing.  She liked me, like right away.  Said I had character or something.  Like, she just gave me a backstage pass.  I started hanging around, helping, and now we’re going on tour.  You know, he’s not Lady Ga Ga, but it’s cool.”

We arrived at the Consignment Shop and opened the door.  A tinker bell jingle announced our entrance. Women’s cast off clothing, many with designer labels packed the shop.  Displayed on the walls were glass necklaces, teardrop crystal pendants, and Swarovski pearls.  Coordinated outfits in shades of green, their potential enhanced by pink accessories, were arranged on hangers.

“I love this stuff.  Look at this.”  She wrapped a four-inch wide black plastic belt with a rhinestone buckle around her waist, shook her head, and returned it to a rack.”

“Minutiae,” I mumbled.

“What did you say?” she giggled.

“Minutiae, little stuff, the details of life.”

“Mi-nooshee-sha, I love that word! What does it mean?”

“Small, insignificant things that don’t seem to matter, then do.”

“Oh, my God! I’m trying this on.”  She exclaimed and slipped into a dressing room carrying an old dress of mine.

It was made of rich black crepe fabric.  The neckline flowed off the shoulders leaving a v shape in the back. Two panels buttoned creating a peak-a-boo above the waistline of a pencil thin skirt.  Its hem had hit the crest of my calf.

“I’m buying this.  It’s like the perfect dress!” she said emphatically outside the dressing room, twirling, as I had done, her blue-green eyes so young and true. I smiled remembering that pleasure of certainty.

“You look great in it.”

She did. I felt light-headed as a wave of emotion cascaded through me.  I had worn that dress to a friend’s wedding, a business conference, and my fortieth birthday party.  “Do you need shoes?”  I asked reminiscing about an elegant pair worn with the dress.

Tasteful, is how to describe them, the heels not too high, the straps not too tight.  I kept them. They were barely worn.

“I got black flip-flops.”

At the cash register, she counted six singles and forty-two cents turning her head with perfect range of motion to ask, “Do you have children?”

“A daughter.”

We left to say goodbye.

“It’s been cool meeting you.”  She said hugging me.

Happy my dress would be going on an adventure, but not wanting to give my secret away, I hesitated then whispered, “Don’t live your life in regret.”

I strolled toward my car, looking back.  The late afternoon sun filtered through the oak trees creating a shadow on her diminutive figure and the sun’s glare caused me doubt she had really been here, while my wedding song, “We’ve Only Just Begun,” played in my head.

…just saying

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The Letter K

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The Alphabet Series H is for Hanky Panky

The Alphabet Series

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New Thoughts on Words

H is for hanky panky, two words joined by alliteration, not meaning.

Tommy James and the Shondell’s song, “My baby does the hanky panky”, creates a picture of a couple making out in a 1966 Mustang convertible. There is a mischievous fooling around atmosphere and we know the girl is easy.

But what is hanky panky?

Webster’s (Standard Reference Works Publishing Co. 1956) definition; The meaningless professional talk of a juggler or magician, jugglery or legerdemain.

Sounds like politicians talking about the sequestration.

The term hanky panky is sighted in the first edition of Punch magazine Volume 1 September 1841.

In London, a con-man said to a judge in court; “Only a little hanky-panky, my lud. The people likes it; they loves to be cheated before their faces. One, two, three-presto-begone. I’ll show your ludship as pretty a trick of putting a piece of money in your eye and taking it from your elbow, as you ever beheld.”

A later reference is from George Bernhard Shaw’s Geneva, 1939:

Hanky panky makes us think things are unethical, and referenced as Hocus Pocus or Hokey Pokey, grew in popularity when sexy and illicit acts were included.

It was playful and school children wiggled to the hokey pokey to practice eye hand coordination skills.

The closest we can get to that ridiculous fun for all is the Harlem Shake.

Google Hanky Panky and you will discover many companies sell lingerie and naughty items, but only one company makes the lace.

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Klauber Brothers is a sixth generation family business and creators of an exclusive Signature Lace for Hanky Panky, a leader in intimate apparel.

The Klauber family was lucky to escape the treacherous trickery that forced them to surrender their business and never considered they would be in the  hanky panky business. They fled Nazis Germany on the SS Manhattan. It was the last boat to America in 1939.

Their story and craftmanship adds sobering thoughts to hanky panky, but I still hear lyrics in my head and think about a randition of the Harlem Shake, me mouthing the words…My baby does the hanky panky. I saw her walkin’ on down the line You know I saw her for the very first time A pretty little girl standin’ all alone “Hey pretty baby, can I take you home?”

The Alphabet Series F is for Insanity

  The Alphabet Series –  New Thoughts on Words

F is for Flummoxed Filibuster was originally published on March 10, 2013. Ten years have past and although the post was never about Senator Rand Paul, I believe his latest shenanigans are worth noting. The Senator has referred Dr. Anthony Fauci to the Justice Department for a criminal probe for lying to Congress about COVID. And one of his staffers was stabbed (the young man is okay) by a U.S. citizen who is incompetent. This is insanity!

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Flummoxed and Filibuster

March 2013-Things looked good for Senator Rand Paul, a Republican from Kentucky, this week when he announced he would filibuster the confirmation vote of John Brennan as Director of the CIA, the old- fashioned way, by talking and said, “I will speak until I can no longer speak.”

Evidently, the old-fashion filibuster has lost popularity and there is a non-talking version making a filibuster like phone sex. You do not need to moan, and staying on the phone is optional. Rand Paul could declare a filibuster and kept his mouth shut. Then, sixty votes would be necessary to break the gridlock and clear the floor for vote.

Visions of Jimmy Stewart in “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” came to mind, and a general impression of Paul as a man of consciousness prevailed.

Rand Paul, the son of Ron Paul, said he did not oppose the confirmation, but this was an opportunity to make a point and find out for sure if the President’s policy on international use of drones includes shooting American citizens on United States soil. Attorney General Eric Holder’s letter did not eliminate the possibility.

Paul said in a statement, “The U.S. Attorney General’s refusal to rule out the possibility of drone strikes on American citizens and on American soil is more than frightening – it is an affront to the Constitutional due process rights of all Americans,”

Not everyone agreed and in the morning, people were flummoxed, you know confused bewildered and baffled when Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham criticized Rand Paul calling the filibuster “a political stunt that cheapens the serious discussion about US policy to the realm of the ridiculous.”

Paul held his ground, would not admit to shooting himself in the foot, and considered Eric Holder’s letter of clarification released later in the day, a surrender.

You can agree with Paul, the government’s drone policy needs discussion.

Is that all this was about? Because it was a flummoxed filibuster.

P.S. Rumor has it Rand Paul’s head is now pointy.

The Alphabet Series D is for Disappear

D is For Disappear

D is for disappear as in the New York Times Best Seller novel, “Gone Girl” by Gillian Flynn.

Nick and Amy Dunne, two out of work New York City writers, move to Nick’s childhood home in North Carthage, Missouri when they learn Nick’s mother is fatally ill.

Nick is a journalist.

Amy writes surveys or opinion questionnaires, e.i., Which of the following will lead to personal happiness.

A.  Caring more about others than yourself

B.  Discovering a passion

C.  Exercising and eating well daily

D.  All of the above

Nick persuades Amy to invest the last of her Trust Fund in a business for him and his twin sister, Margo. They name the bar, “The Bar”.

Amy disappears on their wedding anniversary, and Nick becomes the prime suspect.

However she didn’t disappear, she’s hiding.

Gillian Flynn has written a plot driven novel that I read quickly and was reviewed favorably, but I could have put the book down easily. The twisted ending was a turn off for me. The movie also has the same distortion of love, or love gone crazy ending. I like happy endings.

“As The Washington Post proclaimed, her work ‘draws you in and keeps you reading with the force of a pure but nasty addiction.’ Gone Girl’s toxic mix of sharp-edged wit with deliciously chilling prose creates a nerve-fraying thriller that confounds you at every turn.”

Amy’s disappearance is not to vanish, perish or cease to exist. Her vanishing act is one of revenge and dysfunction, concocted when she discovers Nick’s infidelity. Victimized and  bamboozled Amy plans to get even and does.

I can imagine the survey/questionnaire Gillian Flynn might ask readers to take about her character, Amy.

What makes this character happy?

A.  If you can’t have the one you love make sure no one else can either.

B.  Make everyone who hurts or disappoints you suffer for the rest of their lives.

C.  Inflicting pain on others is key to personal happiness.

D. All of the above

The author, Gillian says “she was not a nice little girl,” and “Libraries are filled with stories on generations of brutal men, trapped in a cycle of aggression. I wanted to write about the violence of women”

“The point is, women have spent so many years girl-powering ourselves — to the point of almost parodic encouragement — we’ve left no room to acknowledge our dark side. Dark sides are important. They should be nurtured like nasty black orchids.”

Have you read the book or seen the movie?

The Alphabet Series C is for Curmudgeon

photo by Claudiajustsaying

New Thoughts On Words

C is for Curmudgeon

Cranky, cross, and Cantankerous

Quarrelsome

It’s someone else’s fault

Is being a Curmudgeon a choice, or about loss?

Crappy, critical and uncompromising

Like a Republican who is sore

Callous, cautious, careful

A Curmudgeon ruminates the same thought

Perhaps their hippocampus is shrinking, their dreams forgotten, or tossed

Left alone to commiserate

A connoisseur without a cause

Realizes a critical point

Dick Chaney could be their new boss

A special thanks to my friend Mary for suggesting the word Curmudgeon and to Michael Ray King for encouraging writers to write poetry.

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The Alphabet Series B is For Bootylicious

New Thoughts On Words

Bootylicious Bouillabaisse

    Bootylicious is on my mind. It happens to writers. Words jump into our minds and refuse to leave. I could blame Beyonce` Knowles, but the truth is I like the word. Its rhythm somehow attaches itself to bouillabaisse and bingo, becomes an onomatopoeia dancing around my head.

The American language evolves quickly and when a word becomes popular it is included in the dictionary. Merriam Webster has a paid staff that scans publications and records the frequency of a new word or expression before deciding.

The Webster dictionary defines booty as spoil taken from an enemy in war or loot.

In the today’s world Bootylicious is slang; a compound word, booty or buttock with delicious. The song “Bootylicious” made the term well-known.

Words are added yearly. Recent additions are cougar, helicopter parent, soccer- mom and EEVO an original by Rachael Raye.  A few of the words for 2012 are: man cave, coperniciu, energy drink, game changer, gastropub, mash-up.

So what does Bootylicious Bouillabaisse bring to my mind?

Picture Beyonce` dressed in a black corset and spike high heels joining  Julia Child in the kitchen for a cooking lesson.

We will need something like the time machine in “Back to the Future” to transport Beyonce` to Marseille to learn from the American chef and food writer.

Close your eyes and imagine  Meryl Streep as Julia Child in Julie and Julia if you have to.

Julia opens the conversation with,  “to me the telling flavor of bouillabaisse comes from two things: the Provençal soup base — garlic, onions, tomatoes, olive oil, fennel, saffron, thyme, bay, and usually a bit of dried orange peel — and, of course, the fish — lean, firm-fleshed, soft-fleshed, gelatinous, and shellfish.”[3] Wikipedia

Beyonce`  questions the chef, “Lean and firm, that part girl I know what you talkin bout. Gelatinous…I know you gotta work your jelly. Gelationous? Got to text Jay Z. He’ll know bout that.”

Julia emphasises the B saying, “bouillabaisse is a fish stew. You combine two actions, blhir (French to boil) and abaissar (to reduce).

Beyonce` says with an attitude and one hand on her hip,  “I can boil fine, real fine. She shakes her booty to mimic Julie’s stirring

Julia’s voice crescendos saying,  “Not a hard boil, a slow steady bubbling.” And purses her lips saying ” Then turn it real low and slow.”

Beyonce` says “I gotcha, girl”

Bon  Appetite

There were 370 words added in 2022; dumbphone, video doorbell, janky, greenwash, and yeet are a few. We’ve updated the Merriam contains all of them.

P.S. Post written in 2013. Although dated still makes me laugh. Hopefully you will too.

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S is for Squandering & Spider Solitaire

New Thoughts on Words

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Aging & Attitude

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred is the number of minutes in a year. The point is driven home by the song, Seasons of Love, (known as 525,600 Minutes because of the lyrics), in the musical Rent.

Nobody has more time, and nobody has less. We cannot buy time or give our extra to a friend.

What we do with our time is personal, a matter of choice. Many believe successful people use their time wisely while others question their definition of success and the genius of workaholics who ultimately are lonely.

Regardless, I have squandered my time. Yes, squandered, frittered away days, weeks and the past month. I have nothing to show for it.

Well, I take that back. I have played 2153 games of Spider Solitaire, and won 793. My winning percentage is 39% and longest winning streak is 37, losing 47.

When I rant that I am throwing away my life playing a stupid game instead of writing, Mr. Wonderful responds, “You’re retired, it’s relaxing you must get some enjoyment from it if you keep playing.” Reminded of a quote, “There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want,” I threw a wet sponge at him.

I planned to write the next posts for The Alphabet Series before going on vacation but when I achieved 37 consecutive wins, believed I could do 40 and kept playing.  That is when things fell apart. Playing Spider Solitaire became a segue activity.  I soothed defeat with other mindless online pastimes and spent hours checking email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and the price of airfare to Italy instead of writing.

Blink and it was vacation time and my only accomplishment was losing.

Mr. Wonderful’s advice “Don’t  worry, we’ll  be away  twenty-one days, you’ll break this addiction, if you insist on calling it that.”

I did well, no computer; no email, Facebook, Twitter or Spider Solitaire. We had a fabulous family vacation.

The first thing in the door returning, Spider Solitaire.

….just saying

R is for Raucous- The Alphabet Series

Aging & Attitude

paula-deenNew Thought on Words

Raucous describes the commotion occurring around Paula Deen’s admission that she used the N-word. Lisa Jackson is suing Dean and her brother, Bubba Hiers, for racial discrimination and sexual harassment. Jackson, a former manager of one of their restaurants, is white and has stated; Deen never used a racial slur in her presence. However, during the deposition, when asked if she had ever used the N-word, Deen replied  “Yes.”

The Food Network immediately cancelled her contract. Supporters protested the television’s show knee jerk reaction.

Deen initially a no-show for an interview with Matt Lauder appeared on Wednesday’s, (June26th) show and that is when she shot herself in the foot.

Matt Lauer repeatedly asked about Deen’s motivation for appearing on the show and pressed her to say it was to stop the “financial bleeding”. Deen stuck to her message; she wanted to dispel the lies and tell people, she is not a racist.

Lauer persisted and demanded to know, “How could anyone use the N-word and not be a racist?” Since Deen admits to using the word, she is a racist. Lauer’s omnipotent view reflects today’s faulty thinking, implying that racism can be defined by the  use of a single word.

Dean continued ranting about how she was raised and what her daddy said about lying. The theatrics ending with her saying, “If there is anyone who hasn’t said something they regret, to throw a stone at my head and kill me.” It was a meltdown moment and there is speculation about a daytime Emmy.

Most contracts  have been cancelled, and many affiliations severed with the celebrity during the past few days, over her truthfulness. Think of all the people who are now out of work.

It is reminiscent of the Fairy Tale, “The Emperor’s New Clothes,”  in which a lone boy unknowingly speaks the truth that the king is in his underwear.

There is a race divide in the United States and more in some states than others.

We moved to Florida six years ago and labeled Northerners. When the following incident occurred I came to understand why.

Robert, a hired landscaper, was working on his own in our yard when it started to rain, big rain, a sudden heavy downpour. Robert was a husky African-American in his mid twenties with a good sense of humor. I called him Robert, he always called me Miss Claudia. I assumed it was due to our age difference. I saw him standing under a tree for protection, went to the garage to press the remote door opener and called, “Robert go in the garage.” He did so reluctantly and stood looking scared, barely inside the door dripping wet. I grabbed a towel, tossed it to him and suggested he dry himself off. His sad eyes were hesitant as he replied, “You sure, Miss Claudia.”

When the rain stopped our conversation became awkward as he said, “I’ll take this home to launder and bring back my next time.” My response was, “Don’t be silly,” and took the towel back. I was from the North but Robert had been born and raised in the South.

We have all been standing on the sideline letting the Emperor think he looks good in his new outfit and now we are throwing stones at the little boy who spoke the truth.

….just saying