Selfie Obsession/The Silly Poem Series

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The Silly Poem Series

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    Maya Angelou ,well known author and poet, has inspired me to stretch and write poetry. Many writers cherish poetry as a window to creativity and urge all writers to branch into the genre.

   Robert Frost said, “Poetry begins with a lump in your throat.” I can identify with that, but rather than be somber, thought; let me expand upon the silly and borderline ridiculous.

   My first poem, “City Slickers” was written for a High School English assignment.  It still makes me chuckle, plus it is short and easy to remember.

City Slickers

   by Claudia

People, people everywhere
Short fat even square
Shoving pushing without care
Makes a city anywhere

   Emily Dickinson’s poem,  ” I’m Nobody! Who Are You?” is a favorite of mine and inspired me to write the first poem in The Silly Poem Series, “Selfie Obsession”

I’m Nobody! Who Are You?

by Emily Dickinson.

I’m nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there’s a pair of us – don’t tell!
They’d advertise – you know!

How dreary to be somebody!
How public like a frog
To tell one’s name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

 selfie-blacknwhite

Selfie Obsession

by Claudia

I am a somebody!
Are you a somebody, too?
Then there is a pair of us, bored, lonely, with nothing to do

Do you want to take a selfie, a snapshot, a view?
A look in the mirror, like folks used to do.
Yuck! It is ugly, delete

Oh yeah – replace with a new
Be shallow like Pope Francis,
Ellen DeGeneres to mention a few.

Sing the song, watch you-tube
Listen to the dove’s message
Selfies broaden beauty to include even you

               More than manipulation and narcissistic
                In 2013, the word was ballistic.
                A word, fifty-five percent of all millennials, used

But first let me take a selfie
I am bored, I am obsessed, it is unhealthy
With the power to change me, myself and you

. . . . just saying

Vampire Drain

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            thAging & Attitude

  It is 6AM, birds fill the air with singsong conversation while I sip coffee, and think about vampire drain. I could be sleeping; however, my continuous glucose monitor woke me.

   What is a continuous glucose monitor?

   It is a device I wear to inform me of my blood glucose level. I have been diabetic for thirty plus years. When my BG level slips dangerously low, a beep alerts me and continues to beep until I get up and do something about it.

   What is vampire drain?

   Vampire drain is my latest pet peeve. Merging, plastic bags, doubling plastic bags, the use of filler words by media, and weathermen who shout about precipitation are other pet peeves.

   Periodically, I rant that traffic jams could be lessened if people knew how to merge. Frown at check-out clerks, who ignore my request for no plastic, (I bring cloth) and the clerk proceeds to put fish, already wrapped in plastic and white paper; in double plastic, with the speed of lightning. I can be sarcastic about professional television media, who use filler words (duh, um, ah, etc.), and weathermen who tell us it is going to rain with such alarm I consider building an ark.

   There are two types of vampire drain; electrical is the one I find infuriating. The other is an emotional drain from high maintenance friends, and I have gotten rid them.

   Vampire drain is when a cell phone or laptop charger is left plugged into a wall outlet but not connected to a phone or laptop, very likely using energy and draining your pocketbook unnecessarily. Standby power is also considered a form of vampire drain because it requires energy unknowingly. The practice might be defended by saying, “It’s pennies, only one cell charger, what difference can that make?” Well multiply that around the world and it makes a difference.

   Now that I am thinking about it,  storage of emails is another waste of energy. Emails are stored on a hard drive and electricity cools and keeps the hard drive running twenty-four seven. Someone once shared they had never deleted a single email, and had four thousand messages stored. I refrained from screaming since they were clueless.

   There are many ways to reduce vampire drain, but it does not need to be complicated. Simply unplug  a device once it is fully charged, and all chargers not in use, and while you are at it delete all old emails. It will save you some money and help the world go green.

. . . . just saying

 

Still Politically Stupid

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25politics-master675-v2   The clock reads 8:35, it is Sunday morning, and I have slept in. We had friends for dinner last night and the extra rest feels good.

Mr. Wonderful, awake since 7AM, is sitting on the living room couch doing the New York Times crossword puzzle.

The glass doors to the patio are closed, the outside soaked with water. Long streaks wet the surface as though sprayed with a hose.

“Did it rain?” I asked him.

“No, it’s condensation,” he answers remaining focused.

The overnight surge in humidity is spoiling the outside view, and the air is heavy with sweat. I make an Italian Roast k-cup of coffee, grab the newspaper, and join him on the couch. However, our good life is short-lived once I start reading.

An Associated Press headline, “Pre-book tour, GOP tries to define Hillary,” demands my attention. The article is beside the Thomas Voting Report, “How your U.S lawmakers voted,” giving the appearance that the topics are related, they are not.

image01   Florida Representatives, Corrine Brown, Ron DeSantis, and John Mica, voted in all eight bills that address some serious public concerns, i.e., military budget, minimum wage & equal pay, climate change spending, and spying.

   I am optimistic thinking they increased the  minimum wage, got serious about climate control and ended civil service job protection, not.

After everything was said and done the House voted to:

  • Approved a 1.8% pay increase for troops effective in 2015
  • Continue to contract with companies that pay less than $10.10 an hour
  • Prohibit the Defense Department from spending funds on climate change
  • Keep Presidential authority of indefinite detention
  • Keep Guantanamo Bay Prison open
  • Curb National Security Agency collection of bulk data
  • Fire any federal executive culpable in VA scandal
  • Fund water projects

   At least they did something or did not seem to do nothing, and on paper Republicans passed five of the ten bills and had time to discuss the publication of Hillary Clinton’s book, “Hard Choices”  and her up coming book tour.    

   The newspaper article discusses Republican efforts pre-book tour to stop Hillary Clinton from running for office. There is a Stop Hillary Pac, organized by Garrett Marquis who claims to have raised $500,000 and have 250,000 supporters.

   Once again feeling politically stupid, I wonder, can that be legal? Forget that these activities, previously done behind closed-door, are sleazy and unethical, attempts to prevent a woman from seeking political office can be construed as  sex discrimination.

    Talk is the book tour is part of Hillary’s plan to front questions about her competency while Secretary of State and her handling of Benghazi. It probably is, however, it is common practice for world leaders to write memoirs and there is even another book titled Hard Choices by another Secretary of State. Evidently book titles are not copyrighted and it is the perfect title.

  House Republicans plan to further probe the Benghazi attack, is included in the article, as is Senator Lindsey Graham insightful vow, “I’m not going to quit until I can prove to people that story was manufactured through gross incompetence or willfully misleading the public six weeks before an election.”

   What is he talking about? I thought Benghazi was about the loss of lives not political get elected strategies; though politically stupid, what do I know.

. . . . just saying

 

 

Whatever Happened to Mikey?

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Swingline is the name brand of an old stapler sitting on my desk, that I have stared at for the past ten minutes. The mental pause feels like writers block, but is probably indigestion, or a senior moment. The handy device has been dropped many times and has only a few scratches. It is dirty from forty plus years of handling.

Forgetting about environmental effects, I grab a bottle of Bang and spray it clean. An inscription, made in the USA Long Island City, New York, is readable when the finger grime is removed. The steel grey metal color now shines, and the words, Swingline Speed Stapler, brag about its lasting quality. There are seven patent numbers listed. The patents are probably why it continues to work and I have kept it all these years. It is sturdy and strong, and can also be opened to staple paper flat on a bulletin board.

Remember schoolroom bulletin boards filled with colored construction paper, and displays made from paper plates cut in pie-pieces, to demonstrate fraction equivalents; I taught first grade at St. Brendan’s School in the Bronx and when I left, took the stapler.

The song, Little Rabbit Foo-Foo, and Mikey come to mind, everyone knows Mikey from the Cheerios commercial.

Michael Gilchrist was my student.

There were three Gilchrist brothers: Tom, Michael, and John. John, the youngest, was the three-year old called Mikey in the commercial. The real Michael, my student, says, “I’m not going to try it,” in the commercial, and pushes the bowl of Cheerio’s towards him.

There was a lot of excitement when the commercial ran, and shortly after the family moved to Yonkers.

But whatever happened to Mikey, John Gilchrist?

MSG director of media sales John Gilchrist poses

Mikey is alive and says, “The folklore that I ate Pop Rocks, the exploding candies, and I drank a soda and my stomach blew up,” is not true.

Gilchrist, 44, has been in ad sales, first in radio, including a stint at ESPN, and now for MSG Networks, where he is director of media sales, primarily negotiating with advertisers on TV ads.

Although “Mikey” had no lines at all in his third and most well-known commercial, he built a successful career and appeared in about 250 other commercials.

 

Do You Tweet?

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“Do you Tweet?” Christine asks me, as the waitress approaches the table.

We are having lunch at The Olive Garden. It is a celebration of sorts; Christine has a new website  and food blog, Pudbudder. Tricia’s, children’s book, “Detective You’re” is in the hands of an illustrator, and my short story, “Wheels of Circumstance” is an FWA selection.

The waitress interrupts to tell us the specials and ends by saying, “I’ll be back to take your order.”

“I have a Twitter account but never Twit?” I responded

“It’s Tweet, you tweet, not twit on Twitter.” Twitter links to LinkedIn and can increase your followers. I have 452 followers. I’m doing resumes for people in Australia”

Tricia and I, thankful to know someone tech savvy are impressed, and leap on the opportunity to ask questions we feel too stupid to otherwise ask.

“If it is called twitter, why do you tweet and not twit?”

Soft spoken Tricia  inquires politely, “What’s Twitter?”

“Twitter is an online social networking service where people can send and read text-based messages of up to 140 characters, known as ‘tweets’.”   Wikipedia’s definition; “a short burst of inconsequential information, and ‘chirps from birds’.” Christine says smiling.

“I think I was a bird in a former life,” I comment.” But why characters? Why not spaces?”

Tricia asks, “Couldn’t they send a short email?”

“I don’t know.” Christine rolls her eyes and continues, “This is like trying to convince cavemen they’d be better off using matches.”

The waitress is back and takes our orders.

When she is gone, Christine leans across the table to Tricia and questions, “Do you know what a hash tag is?”

“Don’t be a twerp, how would I know about hash?” Is Tricia’s not so polite, reply.

“It’s a number sign, # you can use it to share a twitter story.” Christine taunts and proceeds to inform us; Twitter is undergoing changes and now has Tweetups, Tweetie, New Twitter, and Retweets.

I have a headache.

We leave the restaurant two hours later laughing about Twitter, tweets and twits.

Later that evening I login in to my Twitter account, take the Twitter -Tour and learn, one has to follow to get followers.

So, who will I follow?

Mr. Wonderful is watching the ALDS series, the Yankees are playing Baltimore.  I type Yankee in the search bar.  Mike Blooomberg, aka Mayor of NYC, tweets, “Go Yankees”

Ruth Westheimer, aka Dr. Ruth, Psychosexual Therapist,(I am surprised is still alive) tweets, “So-A-Rod benched”

Nothing exciting is happening here.

I  plan to watch Blue Bloods on CBS and figure the TV program is a safe search.

Jim Wahlberg, Dorchester, MA, no known relation to Danny, Donnie Wahlberg, real life brother to Mark Wahlberg well know for the movies, Ted and The Fighter is tweeting, really flirting with Paula NKOTB.

Not of interest to me.

However, Donnie was recently interviewed by Gayle King, of whom I am a big fan. She asks an interesting question, waits and respects the answer.  Sunday morning Gayle tweeted she’d been to Streisand concert and to the Barclay for burger bash with her favorite mayor.  I am jealous.

Gayle has 589, 454 followers and one more, me.

As of today I have one follower, dear Christine, but who is counting.

…just saying

Mr. Wonderful Goes Keurig!

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Keurig
I have loved the smell and taste of coffee, since the age of thirteen, when I was allowed an occasionally cup.

My parents drank instant, but I quickly acquired an appetite for the real deal at the Plaza Hotel in New York City. Polished silver pots of hot perked coffee, accompanied by tiny white porcelain pitchers filled with heavy cream, were delivered on trays to the Banquet Office. I was a file clerk and felt special drinking the aromatic coffee from a bone china cup with the Plaza logo on it.

Our first coffee pot, a ten-cup corning ware electric was a wedding gift, and only used when company came. As time passed I finessed a four cup Farberware electric into our daily routine and said goodbye to instant coffee.

Once retired, Mr. Wonderful assumed many household responsibilities, and insisted we needed a Mr. Coffee. How could I refuse when the person asking was doing the food shopping and mopping the kitchen floor?

Life was good because, although Mr. Wonderful frequently wakes several hours before me and the new pot would turn off, he would have a fresh pot ready, and press start when he heard the toilet flush.

A good cup of coffee is more than a good cup of coffee, and Mr. Wonderful makes a great cup of coffee, smooth and never bitter.

Then along came the Keurig, the individual cup miracle machine. I had my first cup at my friend Christine’s house and fell in love with the red colored machine.
Christine explained that her husband, Angelo, was still working, so the additional cost per cup was not a problem and were planning for the added expense in retirement. They love their Keurig!

I shared her sentiment but responded nonchalantly. Mr. Wonderful’s reputation as a coffee brewer and his stock piling of BOGO Free Eight O’clock coffee would not translate into fifty cents a cup. Besides how do you tell the man you love you have found something better.

I wanted a Keurig, but kept my desire a secret. It would be ridiculous to complain, Bob makes great coffee, and cleans up the mess.

However, on February 17th of this year things changed. We stayed with my sister, Marti Gert and she had a Keurig! I did not scream YES, or do a happy dance and recall acting nonchalant as I went to bed feeling like Santa would arrive in the morning.

When I woke, Mr. Wonderful greeted me saying, “We should get one of these, it makes coffee better than I do.

We purchased the miracle machine shortly after.

Yes, the cost is close to double what we paid for a Mr. Coffee cup, but we are worth it and have advised our financial person to make adjustments for a lifetime supply of K-cups.

Morning Walk

Morning Walk

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Morning Walk April 24, 2014 The morning air is cool in Florida. As May unfolds the heat intensifies, and the humidity, accompanied by a sultriness that is hard to forget, descends. But for now, I enjoy early walks bemused by … Continue reading →

Conscious Uncoupling Vs. Smart Phones

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00000410                                                       On our first cruise around 1990

Aging & Attitude

Recommitted to posting a weekly blog I jump started the process last week by researching this week’s topic, Conscious Uncoupling.

Have you heard about Conscious Uncoupling? Gwyneth Paltrow and husband, Chris Martin, are doing it; getting divorced.

I was proceeding in a timely fashion and things were looking good until Mr.Wonderful (aka Bob) purchased two smart phones, a Samsung Galaxy s3 for me, and a Samsung Galaxy Rugby Pro for himself. The learning curve is high with the acquisition of an expensive toy, but not to worry; there was lots of time to do both, write and find a signature ring for the new phone.

What is Conscious Uncoupling? Author and therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas coined the phrase as a process to;

• Release the trauma of a breakup
• Reclaim your power
• Reinvent your life

In other words; a civilized way to decide who gets the house, and what will you do if you don’t.

Gwyneth Paltrow announced the Conscious Uncoupling on Goop, a digital media and e-commerce company she founded to share all of “life’s positives.” Goop offers information on many things from recipes to the perfect dress and Paltrow shows good sense.

The Samsung Galaxy s3 mini in my back pocket vibrates, and interrupts my thoughts. I struggle to unlock the phone swiping up and down, then side to side and tapping. It is a text from At&t saying “Don’t delay, enroll today” in the Mobile Protection Pack.

So, without delay, I start the process, but find I must agree to things I am unsure about; so power off, and focus on Gwyneth and her daughter Apple. Named after a fruit, Conscious Uncoupling is sure to be difficult for the child.

Conscious Uncoupling is being adopted by others. A British Labour Party lawmaker used the term to reference a political disagreement as, “another example of coalitions conscious uncoupling,” Nevertheless my mind conjures a picture of a train wreck, and  I  wonder if I can somehow get in touch with Putin, he needs to hear about Conscious Uncoupling.

Katherine Woodward believes it takes about five years to truly heal from a breakup and offers a free online download to overcome the three major mistakes people make. Misconceptions perpetuated by Hollywood and media make the process long.

Dr. Sherry Sami and Dr. Habib Sadeghi, believe Conscious Uncoupling will redefine divorce, and the past practice of blaming yourself and partners. Dr. Sami addresses the issue of multiple relationships and says mating for life was easier for cavemen and women because of a shorter life expectancy, about thirty-three years. She has a point.

It was also easier because they did not have cell phones, nor need to decide if At&t Mobile Protection plan can access their contact list, photos, and video’s. After several phone calls and reassurance that the information is stored in a Cloud and only comes down if I lose or damage the phone. I check the agree square. It has taken three days to come to the decision.

We did manage to sync our phones to Blue Tooth in our vehicle and change our wallpaper without much difficulty. Next I need to find out what Google Play is and if I want to shop at the Google Play Store.

Mr. Wonderful and I are married 43 years and easily could have divorced for we have little in common, except values and we both like to laugh. This year he surprised me with a cruise to Bermuda, our honeymoon location; to celebrate and replace our vows with a year-to-year contract, that has no penalty fees.

Conscious Uncoupling is always a possibility.

. . . . just saying

Feeling Snarky

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    Snarky is how I feel;  you know cranky and annoyed. I am irritated and out of sorts about life’s absurdity. I am not alone, snarky is gaining popularity. Sam Champion recently used the verb to describe his conversations with former coworker, Al Roker. I never had a chat with Al or Sam, but know about snarky.

   Here are examples of what makes me snarky:

• The cost of two standard white pillowcases in Kohl’s is $49.99.
• A video pop-up blocks my recipe search for sausage on the Food Network.
•  Rug Advertisements appear on my Facebook page after shopping online for        rugs.
• My new smart phone doesn’t ring because the volume is off.
• Having my groceries triple wrapped in plastic and put in cloth bags I provided.

   I feel snarky about, Candy Crush, Linkedin, Twitter, Email and even my own WordPress blog. I am disenfranchised with social media and have been on a hiatus. Now I am getting back on that horse.

   The original word snark, a noun for animal, was the subject in Louis Carroll’s poem, “The Hunting of The Snark.” The poem categorized as nonsense, is whimsical and humorous, and I laughed out loud enjoying its absurdity. Substitute a few of today’s politicians, i.e. Chris Christy, Jeb Bush and Hilary Clinton for the Bellman, Barrister and Beaver, and things start to sound sensible because in the end,  the Snark was a Boojum. What is a Boojum? It is a tree; but in Lewis Carroll’s poem, something imagined.

   Gradually snark morphed to a verb, meaning to be critical in a rude or sarcastic way, or to find fault. In my case, it might be an emotion, but more civilized and requiring less energy.

   So in the pillowcase incident, I did not ask to see the manager or email customer service but went to Walmart and bought two quality standard cases in a cloth bag (no plastic packaging) for $5.99.

    By the way, a free copy of Lewis Carroll’s nonsense poem can be found at The Public Domain Review along with a real find; a 1933 original video of a farmer playing hand fart songs. It is a hoot.

   After reading Lewis Carroll’s poem I was inspired and wrote the following poem. It may not make sense.

. . . .  just saying

Knock Knock

“Not only that, but this way you know,
Whatever you want, you need to let go,” said the door to the floor.

“Just set yourself free? How could that be?
Tell me more, it could be a trap,” said the floor.

“It could be a trap,  and not only that,
We could be much more!
I swing from hinges on call,
Hear mysterious things about it all.
Rumor – there is a big world to explore,” said the door.

“Whatever, a floor, a room, a broom, something more;
Will I be happy as somebody else, or happy simply being myself?
Not only that, do I go it alone?” said the floor.

“I can’t tell you that, what do I know?
But I can tell you this;
You’ll hear the door slam, if you don’t come along.
Not only that,” said the door to the floor.

 

The Eraser Law vs The Golden Rule

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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Albert Einstein

 

Alexander McCall Smith is a favorite author of mine, although it is hard to say why. He is a series writer, “The #1 Ladies Detective Agency” being his best well-known. I am currently reading “The Uncommon Appeal of Clouds,” one of “The Isabel Dalhousie Novels.”

The composer Mozart is the subject in the first page of the book, and compared to Srivinase Ramaniyan, another child prodigy, in the next few. Not a page turner since I have little interest or knowledge of classical music, and never heard of  Ramaniyan. Yet, I am compelled to keep reading, fascinated by McCall Smith’s ability to make the mundane important.

The story unfolds slowly as Isabel Dalhousie, the protagonist, shares her wisdom and concerns as a philosopher and editor of “The Review of Applied Ethics.” It is dull, but I am entertained by her thoughts.

It is Isabel’s description of another character as offensive, minus social clues and lacking social judgment, that reminds me of my third grade teacher, Miss Pendergrass and The Golden Rule.

Isabel feels badly when she offends another, even a stranger and strives to change her behavior.

 The first day of school, a Tuesday after Labor day, Miss Pendergrass instructed us to open our composition notebooks and on the inside cover write, “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.” Fake orange and yellow leaves decorated the bulletin board and the eraser monitor’s name was written on the black board. A class discussion on the matter followed. 

 Now jump ahead to the year 2015, when the “Eraser Law” will take effect in the state of California. The law will protect minors by giving them the right to delete comments on social media. There is debate about the message; say or do what you want, you can erase it, without consequences.  There is no provision for treating others the way you would want to be treated.

The Eraser Law evolved in reaction to a court decision not to protect the public from their own stupidity, but to coddle the young, in lieu of teaching them the Golden Rule.

In November of 2009, the disgruntled staff of B.J. Roberts, sheriff of Hampton, Virginia liked the Facebook account of his opponent during the election. Despite his staff’s lack of support, Roberts won reelection, and decided not to employ his detractors. These actions became a court matter when the unemployed protested, and claimed firing on grounds of a “Facebook Like” was a violation of their First Amendment Rights.

The court said, you don’t quite get it, grow up!

They were forced to look for new jobs.

I think about Miss Pendergrass and wonder what she would tell third graders about the Eraser Law, while she has the misbehaving write 500 times; “I will not talk in class.”

. . . . just saying