Aging & Attitude
New Thoughts on Words
“Honey, I’m home,” yells Mr. Wonderful,* as he parades himself through the front door carrying a boxed Hamilton Beach toaster oven I requested he buy. I meet him in the kitchen as he continues saying, “You’re gonna love it,” his chest buffed out, ready to strut his feathers like he is a peacock.
“Great,” I respond as excited as he is, “Was it still on sale?”
“Yes, $37.99.” He answers and reaches for a sharp knife to cut through the cellophane tape.
“Wait!” I demand. “Don’t open it! You didn’t get the red one. It says black, see.”
I point to the bold lettering on the box.
Hamilton Beach Toaster Oven
Black
“What’s the difference? They didn’t have a red one. Black, red, it makes toast, heats rolls, melts cheese.”
“Black is ordinary, dull, predictable. Black lacks distinction. Red adds, pizzazz, makes a statement.”
He says, “Who needs a statement? I want toast in the morning, ordinary, plain toast. I add cherry jelly if I need pizzazz. Dull and ordinary is just fine by me.”
“Fine? As in average, common and mundane. I want better than fine. Red adds color, interest against the black granite. I’ll take it back, where’s the receipt?”
“What difference does it make, nobody sees it. It’s a toaster.”
“I see it. Now I’m a nobody?”
“Claudia, that’s not what I meant, you’re being ridiculous, why can’t you ever be happy?”
“So I’m a ridiculous unhappy nobody.”
“I didn’t say that. Don’t put words in my mouth.”
“It doesn’t matter what you said, what you meant was, STOP being a pain in MY butt and settle for ordinary.”
“Geezzzzzzzzzz, What if it only came in black, you’d have to be happy with black.”
“Now I should fake it, pretend I like humdrum black. Did you look for chrome? Chrome, at least chrome would be different.
“You’re right. I’ll take it back. Why be ordinary? God forbid we’re ordinary. Whatever you want. If a red toaster oven makes you happy, I’m happy too. Yada, yada, yada”
*Mr. Wonderful is my husband of forty-two years. This was posted in 2013. He returned the black toaster oven and we still have the red one.
The picture on the left was taken this morning. Still looking good he prefers to be called, Bobbie C. And yes we are still married. . .fifty-two years.
….just saying