Aging & Attitude
Statistics show that as you age you laugh less. The elderly lose their sense of humor, no Shit Sherlock! What is there to laugh about? We cannot see, cannot hear, and cannot remember.
A recent News Journal article informs us of the latest national disaster, sarcopinia, the wasting away of the elderly. Who needs a new word we cannot pronounce, and reminds us of things, we do not want to remember. It is no surprise, the elderly feel depressed, and lose humor.
I heard that if you cannot get out of the car or off a chair, it is from muscle atrophy. So I started going to the gym, now have muscles and can get out of the car, couch or chair easily. I just cannot straighten up once I am standing. I am stiff and cannot unbend. I have termed the condition de-stiff-i-tiz-ing. It is not an official medical condition but most Baby Boomers suffer with it.
We were out to dinner, a table of ten, dear friends who shall remain nameless. After paying the bill, everyone stood to leave and a uniform moan ricocheted off the restaurant walls. A few of us were quick to laugh, covering the additional groans people spewed as they hung to the back of chairs, shook legs awake, and de-stiff-i-tized to reclaimed stature. There was no giggling.
Men actually laugh less and stop laughing sooner than woman, around fifty. (Mr. Wonderful sports a Grumpy tattoo, gotten on his fiftieth birthday.) That statistic may change once the numbers are in on Viagra, although after four hours a man could permanently lose all ability to chuckle.
The humiliation does not end. A woman attending a wedding went outside to smoke, after extinguishing the cigarette with her foot, bent over to pick up the butt and toppled in her kitty cat heels. Fortunately, her dress did not blow over her head and no one was around.
This never happened to grandma. She could smoke indoors, did not worry about green and thought gym was a man’s name.
So here are my tips for Baby Boomers. (Will someone think of a better term, PLEASE)
- Replace old toilets with new Hi-Boy’s(the taller ones).
- Park in the same spot at the mall everytime.
- Write down the make, year, and plate number of both cars you own and keep the information in your wallet. (Forgetting where you parked is one thing, forgetting what you parked is another.)
- Stop telling people you do not remember their name. They do not remember yours either.
- Do not smoke when wearing high heels.
…. Just saying