I wrote this awhile back but think it belongs in “The Not Getting Younger Series.”

Global Positioning System and the Hippocampus

     “Did you heard about Todd?”

     “Heard what about Todd?”

     “He fell while out walking.”

     “Oh that’s terrible, what happened?”

     “It’s a long story, something to do with the hippocampus.”

     “The hippocampus, what’s that?”

     “You never heard of the hippocampus? It is the part of your brain that remembers things, especially new stuff.  You know, if you move to a new neighborhood and go out for a walk, how to get back home. Where you parked at the mall or the date of a doctor’s appointment.

     Well Todd’s hippocampus is shrinking; just like he used to be six foot one, and is now five ten.  It’s part of the aging process. Remember “The Graduate” and Dustin Hoffman learning that the key to the future was plastics? The hippocampus is now the key to remembering, or so it seems.”

     “Are you sure? I read AARP’s recent article “Age Proof Your Brain,” It lists ten things, and I don’t remember reading about any hippopotamus.”

     “That’s because it’s new information. Perhaps your hippocampus is already damaged. Ever have hypoxia, heart attack, respiratory failure, sleep apnea or almost drown?”

     “I can’t remember.”

     “Don’t look depressed. There are things we can do like jumping up and down for extended periods. There is evidence that Exercise may slow shrinkage of the hippocampus, specifically the part that passes new information into permanent storage.”

     “Enough, tell me about Todd. I’m getting a headache”

     “Well, Todd goes on walks but is gone forever. Apparently, he gets lost in the neighborhood. Marilyn suggested he charge the GPS and take it with him.”

     “Todd’s not old and not forgetful. Who is Marilyn?”

     “Marilyn. . . his wife.”

     “Marilyn isn’t his wife. He’s married to Barbara.”

     “Marilyn’s his wife. Do you want to hear what happened or not? So Todd. . .  by the way he’s almost eighty, goes for his walk and gets lost. After hitting “GO HOME”  on the GPS, gets dizzy from recalculating, falls down and hits his head.  A neighbor called 911. They took him to Emergency, eight stitches and he is still confused.”

     “Todd’s not even fifty. His wife is Barbara, I had them to dinner. What did the doctor say?”

     “Stop using the GPS and see his primary doctor in two weeks. It’s probably his spatial intelligence. There is evidence these GPS systems are effecting everyone’s ability to navigate, not just us Baby Boomers. I’m talking about the Todd and Marilyn Smith on the corner.”

     “Todd doesn’t live on the corner? How will they get to the doctor’s office without the use of a GPS?”

     “Barbara’s thinking of taking a taxi.”

     “You mean Marilyn, right?”

     “Whatever.”                                                                                         

                                                   . . . just saying